Yup, I’ll say it again. Guilt. Joy. Confusion. That’s my life. My name is Nicky Wells, and I’m a rock-star mummy-author.
My authorly existence finally kicked into being while I was pregnant with my first child, and motherhood and authorhood have been inextricably intertwined for me ever since.
Here’s the short story.
~I wrote my first book (now known and published as Sophie’s Turn) featuring a rock star and the girl next door (hence the ‘rock-star’ label) when I was pregnant.
~I had a baby, followed by six months of not knowing where ‘up’ or ‘down’ or what time of day it was.
~Another year later, I was getting ready for the birth of baby number two, and I thought I’d just take a fresh look at the manuscript and maybe send it to some agents. Yes to the former, no luck on the latter.
~I eventually self-published my first book in July 2011, when both my children had started school—there’s a clue!—and signed a contract with Sapphire Star Publishing in February of 2012.
~Since then, I’ve officially been ‘an author.’ And my authorly work gets squeezed inside the school hours; I write, I promote, I plan, I edit… all between nine a.m. and three p.m. Alongside the other stuff I have to do, like housekeeping and shopping.
So, you say, that sounds very straightforward. Where does the guilt come in?
Ah. Yes. The guilt. You see, I consider myself a mummy-author, not an author-mummy. I’m a mother first, and an author second. But it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes, I have stuff to do when the kids are at home—especially in the school holidays—and I feel guilty for not giving them my full attention, playing games, taking them on day-trips every day, that kind of thing. Moreover, I’d vowed to be an involved mummy, to help in their schools to the best of my ability (I happen to be a qualified teaching assistant) but alas, I’m not finding the time at all at the moment. Guilt, guilt, and guilt again.
But there’s joy, too. Lots of it. For one, my literary double–life seems to be rubbing off positively on my offspring. They’re interested in books, and while they’re not yet reading as much on their own as perhaps I’d like, they definitely love their stories; even full-scale children’s-length novels like the Famous Five have started to make inroads into our house. Very often, my kids will ask me questions about how or why an author does this, that or the other (we’re talking foreshadowing here, or dramatic tension) and I try to answer as best I can. Next up, this love of words shows in their school work. Last but not least, my boys are insanely proud of their mummy-author. They’ve been secreting copies of my books into school to show off (slightly embarrassing, as I truly, honestly didn’t know and the content isn’t quite suitable for their age group!); they will tell any new person we meet that their mommy is a famous author (hmm… not yet, but working on it!); and they simply love handing out postcards and bookmarks to any passing stranger (again, not my doing). It brings them joy, and it brings me joy.
Last but not least, confusion. I get very confused. Or should I say, distracted, absent-minded and not-quite-there? Most days, I find myself rushing out of the house at the last minute in a mad dash to make it to school before the bell goes. Very often, I’ll have typed furiously to finish a seminal scene and the mood, atmosphere or tension will linger while I struggle to re-enter into ‘normal’ life. It is very strange to launch into every-day small talk with another mom I might meet en route while my mind is still reeling from the red-hot sex scene I only just finished writing two minutes ago.
Of course, the boys get confused too. There’s been a lot of talk at the dinner table about Sophie and Dan, their friendship, their history, their travels. I’ve been quite happy to draw the boys into this imaginary world, letting them become involved… up to a point. Obviously I’ve withheld the saucy details and the more emotionally charged scenes. And obviously they’re not allowed to read my books just yet, but they find that hard. Confusing. To them, my characters have almost become like absent friends, people they once knew who now live far away (another by-product of our recent epic move). And they can’t understand why it’s okay to talk about them but not to get the full inside story.
Last but not least, I’m confused on a professional front. Before children, I was a project manager for a human resources research firm. “Hi, my name is Nicky Wells, and I’m a project manager.” That worked quite nicely. When I became a mum, my intro changed. “I’m Nicky. I’m D’s mommy.” Now that I’m a self-employed author, I really ought to introduce myself as such. “Hi, I’m Nicky Wells. I’m an author. I write Romance That Rocks Your World.”
Believe it or not, I find that hard. It sounds so…unreal. It’s not, it’s totally not unreal. I have the books and the readers to prove it. Perhaps it’s because, by necessity, I’m still in mummy-author mode; perhaps, as the boys grow older and I write yet more books, the balance will shift and I’ll be once again comfortable with fully claiming a career for myself. Right now… or should that be, write now, I’m kind of balancing the high-wire, being two ‘me’s’ at the same time. And juggling… yes, you guessed it. Guilt, joy and confusion. But I wouldn’t have I any other way.
Rock on!
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Nicky’s books offer glitzy, glamorous contemporary romance with a rock theme ~ imagine Bridget Jones ROCKS Notting Hill!
Born in Germany, Nicky moved to the United Kingdom in 1993 and currently lives in Lincoln. In a previous professional life, Nicky worked as a researcher and project manager for an international Human Resources research firm based in London and Washington, D.C. Like her leading lady, Sophie, Nicky loves listening to rock music, dancing, and eating lobsters. When she’s not writing, she’s a wife, mother, and occasional teaching assistant.
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Her famous star remains her rock while life takes her on a little detour…
Who says that the road towards true love is straight and even? Sophie is certainly discovering that it is anything but.
So she has finally found the man of her dreams! Well… she knows who he is, even though she hasn’t actually quite met him yet. But she misses her opportunity, and then her life goes crazy. Rock star and ex-fiancé, Dan, keeps getting in the way of her new romance—even if he is just trying to be helpful. A fire, an impromptu mini-trip with Dan, and a dreaded wedding later, Sophie is still struggling to meet the love of her life. Then, just as she is getting it together with her perfect man, best friend Rachel commits an act of unspeakable betrayal.
Sophie has had enough. Confused and distraught, she decides that it is time for radical change. Surprising herself and shocking her friends, she embarks on a secret journey and eventually gets her life back on track.
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