Charlie almost got hit by a car yesterday. I was bringing the dogs from the car to the house (while on leash) but had my hands full of other things. We live on a busy street and only a small median of grass separates our sidewalk from the road. She must have seen a squirrel on the other side of the street and lunged off the curb and into the road just as a car was passing. Luckily she stopped when an inhuman scream erupted from me saying her name at the top of my lungs and I was able to reel her in.
Inside the house I continued yelling at her for a few minutes as she shrank into a tiny ball with upturned eyes. Once my heartbeat returned to normal, I snuggled with her for the remainder of the evening. I felt bad for yelling at her, but it was involuntary. I was just so scared of losing her.
DOG VIDEO #1:
DOG VIDEO #2:
So when we woke up this morning, I decided we needed to go for an early morning hike at one of our favorite places and spend some quality time getting grounded with nature.
It might be a little bit morbid, but I'm always thinking and worrying about the dogs being gone. Whether it be by accident, sickness or just old age, I worry about it. I know this is counterproductive and it's a waste of time to grieve something or someone who is still here, but I love these dogs like they're my own kids and I know my heart will be broken when they're gone.
I have to admit that this way of thinking was part of the reason that I adopted Jake. In addition to wanting Charlie to have a playmate, I'm worried about her upcoming eighth birthday. I can't ignore the white hair that's taking over her face or the way she's slowing down and sleeping more than she used to.
Jake is not a replacement for Charlie (no dog can ever be replaced), but he'll likely be an overlap dog, which also worries me a bit because he's already very dependent on Charlie and I can't imagine how hard it will be on him when she's gone.
DOG VIDEO #3:
During our hike, I spent as much time as possible watching every movement of these two beautiful dogs. I wanted to fully absorb our time together. While I love hiking with dogs, there have been times in the past when I also resent it a little bit. I spend so much of my time watching them to make sure they are safe, staying out of trouble and having a good time that I don't have a good time.
In other words, I put their needs above my own.
I suppose it's a bit like a mom watching her kids at the playground... you can never fully relax and just space out - you have to stay focused on the kids. And even though I wouldn't trade them for the world, there are times that I wish I were hiking by myself.
DOG VIDEO #4:
I love these dogs so much and I take their safety and health very seriously. I change my life and my schedule to accommodate their needs and I spend a very large chunk of my paycheck on them. It's funny to think how much the status of the dog has changed over time. They have gone from working animals to revered and pampered pets. They are somewhat like the sacred cows of India.
But today, I didn't feel resentful of them. I walked slowly and let the dogs set the pace. We took lots of breaks to play in the water and just let them be dogs. They radiated pure joy and I couldn't get enough of watching them. We slowed down and bathed in nature to renew our spirits and reconnect with each other. They took me back in time to when I was a kid on summer break and had no cares in the world; my only mission was to be outside and play. We didn't just hike today, we played.