by JJ Ellis
Genre: Mature LGBT Young Adult Content Warning: There are mature themes - sex talk, fade to black sex, foul language and violence. (Suicide)
One young man
One desperate decision
Being a teenager is hard enough, but when you have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety life can feel like it is caving in on you. When you add in a new awareness of your sexuality and falling in love for the first time, life can become almost too much to bear.
Ben Harper is determined to make it all work with the help of his best friend and new love, JC Croft. But when his inner demons conspire against him, can he come out on top or will he be crushed by the pressure?
Ben snorted a laugh and kept on moving with his boyfriend’s laughter trailing behind. He paused when he reached the top of the hill and waited for JC. “Hold my hand as we go into the clearing.” They both stepped up and through the trees. An outdoor table and chairs sat before them. “Now look to your right.”
JC turned slowly in the direction Ben advised and his breath caught. The lake lay sprawled out before them with no barriers of trees or buildings, just shining water and the opposite shore covered in pine trees capped with snow. “Now I understand why you like it up here. This place is amazing.”
“I know,” Ben murmured. “In the summer I bring a book or my sketchpad up here, and somehow find the strength to deal with whatever problem I’m having. And in the winter, I bundle up and come up here to experience the extra quiet of the snow covered earth. And if I’m sad, I cry and let the tears freeze on my cheek. It reminds me that I’m alive.”
JC stood silent for a moment trying to absorb everything his boyfriend said. And then it clicked. “Wait, you…you don’t feel alive sometimes?”
“No, I don’t. I feel…I don’t know, emotionless I guess. Without purpose. I have never been able to see a future for myself. Oh, I can list what I want to happen in the future but I can’t see it or grasp it.”
“You never told anybody,” JC realized suddenly. “Why?”
JJ has been married to her college sweetheart (and romance novel hero) for twenty-one years and they reside in Casper, WY with their kids and one crazy mutt named Kreuger. She enjoys reading, writing, blogging, computing, and graphic design. She will try anything that will allow her creativity to be released.
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