New Year's Eve - last
night. It's Monday, the day I try to spend doing research and putting things
together. I stumbled across posts by a man claiming to be a super soldier, and
this led me to the Project Avalon forum. The new one. Because finding places
that talk about the MILAB scenario and super soldiers is rare, I put in to join
their forum. This was hours before midnight.
I also emailed Anya
Briggs in the hopes she has some information we can share but I'm not counting
on her for anything.
I filled out their
application as best I could. When I came to "what do you think you have to
offer US" I just didn't know what to say. I never know what I have to
offer in situations like that, and for fuck's sake it's a damn forum. So I
simply said I don't know, that I didn't like to argue etc. I just like to give
and help when I see opportunities, and you never know what sort of opportunity
that will be.
Today I got their
return letter in regards to my application. Before noon. Some information has
been changed to project whatever.
____________________
"Dear ____,
Very many thanks for
your interest to join the Project Avalon Forum.
Please excuse this
generic letter. We receive a large number of applications, and simply don't
have the manpower to write back to each applicant individually.
As we explained when
you first notified us of your interest, we're accepting very few new members at
the moment. But we did welcome your application.
Based on the
information you gave us (and please bear in mind that this is all we know about
you), we regret that we're not in a position to create a forum account for you
at this time.
We do know that it is
impossible to get to know someone thoroughly via a simple application form, and
if you feel we have made a mistake or have misunderstood you, please write back
to us at (fuckyou@projectavalon.net), and we'll be pleased to hear from you
again.
With our personal
regards,
- The Project Avalon
Forum Staff"
_______________________________
Well.
By now I should be
used to being pushed away by the others or being blocked at any chance to
communicate and find the truth. I had a feeling as I filled out their
application I wouldn't be allowed in - but the truth is I've had some bad
experiences with forums, even when I kept my head down.
For example, there was
this guy I took to be a friend who got off his meds and turned the entire board
against me. (Stalked me for a while, too.) This was a psychic forum. Yeah. I
was a demon when he was done, and there were people who jumped right in and helped
him with that.
Then there was this
other "starseed" forum that turned on my friend because she didn't
want to turn against the humans and then turned against me even though I was
keeping quiet. Etc. Ad puke infinitum.
I keep to myself very
closely and rarely make contact with them because people have extreme reactions
to my forward and direct nature. They either decide they really like me. Or
they decide I'm a threat and don't like me - which I've always found confusing.
Even if I know you're a fake I'm not prone to say anything and destroy your
carefully built castle. I'm no threat to anybody unless really pushed.
And even then probablynot. So why push
me?
"We get a large number of applications
so we gotta send you a form letter" returned only a few hours after people
typically get up actually says to me, "We have this form letter because we
reject a lot of people and it's tiresome saying why over and over again."
"But we did
welcome your application" as part of the rejection really says "we
saw it and we did kind of look it over, but we decided you don't belong here
without knowing a fucking thing about you."
Maybe it's because I
put on the application that I would post intermittently - which was the truth.
Maybe they felt my quiet presence would be a problem. Nevermind that when I did
have something thoughtful to say I would definitely have said it, would have
strived to contribute deeply and fruitfully, and would have avoided flamewars
like the plague.
Maybe it's because
they asked if I was part of other forums and what was my screen name. I don't
know if I'm part of those other forums anymore or not. I have tried to return
to the one or two places on occasion but they've also purged their records and
I don't like them enough to make new accounts. And I don't want another screen
name. I like the one I use.
I dunno. Either way,
it's your typical "fuck off" day in MILAB land with me doing the
research and everything alone. Well, I roped my husband into helping me a bit
this morning but he'd rather be playing video games. LOL.
Hey! total d'eja vous!
I dreamed this! Now that's a positive note. I guess I was trying to warn myself
or something. =^-^=
Happy New Year.
If you relate, then we can chat.