Valerie Jarrett called me in early Monday for an "emergency" consultation, Patient had gone missing and, after a panicked search, eventually been found hiding in the Oval Office closet, curled up in a fetal position, shaking and gibbering at even the thought of having to go out into the Rose Garden and attempting to defend the ACA website to the nation. "Doctor" he cried, "Thank God! I've been plotting to have Kathleen Sibelius brought in and forced to kneel in front of a stump and have her head cut off with an ax by a White House groundsman. Valerie Jarrett doesn't like the optics. Henry the Eighth never worried about optics . I may be my last chance to appease the baying hounds of the media. Even Chris Matthews has been giving me strange looks for the past couple days."
"That could be something entirely unconnected to ObamaCare," I ventured.
"Doctor, dear doctor, can I please have s-s-something to s-s-top me shaking and stuttering? I felt almost sorry seeing him spurned by his greatest love-- himself. I slipped him a couple of tablets of a mild tranquilizer and told him: "Wait 15 minutes or so and then you will much calmer and be in a better position to face the nation." But enough about me.