I was speaking to an old friend the other day. She was dreading a very public run-in with some guy she who she had once been attracted to, dated, fell in love with, felt passion for...
Then they broke up.
The break-up wasn't a "good" one. (The term "good break up" has to be an oxymoron, am I right?)
"So, what do I say to him, if he's there?" she asked. "Or should I say anything at all? Should I just ignore him? I'm sure he'd prefer that. I'll bet he'll ignore me, too."
I nodded. "Good question. But everyone there knows both of you. And they know you used to date."
"Don't remind me," she sighed. It's going to be like the OK Corral. Who takes aim first? Who ends up wounded, or dead and buried?"
"But isn't that the point? Wasn't whatever happened between you buried, long ago?"
She shrugged. Obviously not, if she's still digging it up now, so many years later.
"Okay," I said, "Here's a thought: why not treat him as if this is the last time in your life you'll ever see him? If doing so means getting out your feels, so be it. If it means pretending anything he said or did to get you upset is long forgotten, do it. Ask yourself this: do you really need to hold a grudge this long?"
"No, of course not." The tears rolled in even lines, down her face. "We've both moved on."
Next week, she'll have a chance to prove this, to herself, if not to him as well.
Frankly, I hope it begins and ends with a hug, and a chance to catch up on the life journey each took separately, even as their paths cross once more.
Grudges keep us from being happy.
Grudges don't hurt others, only ourselves.
You may not forget, but yes, you can forgive.