1. The fast food guy.
The paper bag usually looks like its been carried around by a homeless person for the last 3 days even though he just bought the food at the airport. It’s not fun to smell that whopper for the next 4 hours.
2. The lady with 2-month-old triplets and no husband.
Lemme get this straight. Your flying from Chicago to London and then onto Bangkok? With 2-month-old triplets and a fresh c-section scar? Why?
3. The cranky stewardesses. Oh, pardon me, ‘flight attendants’ *eye roll*. After flying with Virgin Atlantic and JetBlue I’ve come to realize that ‘cranky stewardess syndrome’ occurs disproportionately to those who work for United and American.
4. The people who must absolutely pee right this second while the food cards are out and then look baffled when they have to wait.
5. The people who get up right up after the meal to use the lavatory. Yeah, that’s right. We all know what you’re doing in there Mr.WASP-businessman from 7G.
6. The people who act like they’ve never flown before when they get to security. Stop craning your neck to see if everyone else is taking of their belts. Just do it. Oh, and thanks for leaving your laptop in its case which means I now have to wait for your dumbass to come back through the metal detector and send it back through because you were trying to save yourself time. This one should be a federal offense.
7. The people who apparently lose the ability to read.
Me: So how long have you guys been waiting in line?
Lady: About 35 minutes.
Me: *noticing that the green light is on, walks over to check out the situation*
Me to everyone in line: Um… you know that there’s a sign on the door saying it’s out of order right? That’s why the green light is on saying it’s open but no one has come out in 35 minutes.
Everyone: Oh! That makes sense!
8. The people who repack their bags at the check-in counter. They’re normally French. Go figure. That whole ‘French women buy quality staples that be re-arranged to create an outfit suitable for any occasion!’ is BS. They pack just as much as the rest of us.
9. The people that ask ‘What do you have?’ when the flight attendant goes ‘Drink?’ I mean honestly, what the heck do you think he has?! Water, juice, soda, wine for the middle-aged and beer. The exact same as anywhere else you can get something to drink. These people can also be filed under #7 because there usually is a little pamphlet detailing all the drinks and snacks available on board.
10. The first-class flight attendants who close the curtain dividers, here’s the kicker, with purpose. Do they really think they’re better than us because they’re serving first class? Have they forgotten that they are lowly flight attendants who probably can never afford to fly first class on their salary? Where did this righteous indignation come from?!
Lucky for me I won’t be flying again until October which means I have 2 whole months to get rid of my own righteous indignation at these crazies.
Amy x