I recently turned 30. Don’t worry. I received some anti-wrinkle cream so everything is under control.
The Nerd and I had a date night. Bliss.
The kids made me super cute cards. Love.
And I visited with my family. Part of that visit was ice cream that was sort of ice cream cake-like. You’ll see what I mean. By the way, this week’s parenting FAIL wasn’t mine. It was my stepmother’s. Just for the record.
My step-mother thought it would be hilarious to put all 30 candles on the cake to rub in how old I am. She kind of insisted. We obliged.
Except that by the time you light 30 candles, they’re all starting to melt. All over the cake. Which is also melting. And then my aunt said, ‘Ooh look! They have little sparks!”
At this point I silently panicked because the only candles I’ve ever seen do that are trick candles. But I said nothing because the girls were singing to me and it was cute.
Cue the blowing out of the candles. And then blowing out the candles again. And one more time. And then this:
Me: They’re trick candles! They aren’t going to go out!
SM (stepmother): No they aren’t! I swear!
Me: Yes, they are! I’ve blown them out three times! Get some water!
Dad/Aunt/Uncle: Wait, what? They’re trick candles? What?
Me: YES! And the cake is melting! And *cough cough* there’s smoke everywhere!
SM: NO THEY AREN’T! They are NOT trick candles!!!
Me: YES. THEY. ARE!
Everyone: *coughing, running*
Me: I’m getting water! You have to get water to put them out!
Dad: No! Don’t put water on the cake! I’ll get them! *Blows out several candles. Pulls them out of melting cake. Candles relight. Hands are burning. Running to sink. More smoke*
Me: NO! Don’t grab them! They’re gonna relight! Dunk them in the bowl! DUNK THEM IN THE BOWL!!! I’m not pouring it on the cake.
Smush: Dis is for my hands? *plunges hands into murky burnt candle water*
Me: NO! No hands! Those are hot! Hot hot!
More smoke. More running. More burnt fingers. And SM is still in the background insisting that she didn’t buy trick candles. Uncle is simultaneously reading “trick candle instructions” right off the box.
Happy birthday to me.