If you know me personally, then you’d say that I’m a private person. I LOVE sharing style tips, fashion finds, and happy things with y’all but I’m pretty private about my personal life…. especially on the blog.
However, I feel like this is a little special. Someone else may have the same feelings or questions that I did, and I was lucky enough to have great and supportive family and friends to help guide me through the process. Thank you Emily for your adoption wisdom!!
We started in 2006. I was 30 years old and super excited about starting a family. The mister and I had been married for 3 years. At the time, all of our married friends were also starting families and warned me that getting pregnant would happen a lot quicker than expected i.e. in a month. So we waited… anytime now I thought. But months passed, then a year, and nothing happened. Fast forward to 2012. After 3 cycle of IUI (intrauterine insemination), 3 cycles of IVF (in-vitro fertilization), and 2 surgeries for endometriosis, I was done – mentally and physically. Actually, before the second surgery, I was ready for adoption. It was a process to get to that point, and the Mister had gotten there before me.
I started looking into the different avenues of adoption. We had friends that went through an adoption law service and those who went through an agency. We did phone interviews with some larger agencies in different states that offered “fast and easy” adoptions. Those made me extremely uncomfortable because it felt like we were buying a car. I wanted some “magic” to happen, not just a transaction! We decided to go with an agency because, honestly, this was our first adoption and we needed some hand holding. I didn’t know what I was doing so someone to help EVERY STEP OF THE WAY was exactly what we wanted.
Originally, we had looked in International adoption. After gathering more info, we realized a Domestic adoption would be better for us. We had a preconceived notion that it would be easier to have a “clean break” and less likely to worry about “co-parenting” if the birth mother was in a different country. Luckily, both agencies that we considered had orientations and educated us on many stereotypes, preconceived notions, and ideas that people have about adoption. Also, the amount of traveling required, sometimes with little to no information depending on the specific country, and the variability of time need to stay in each country sounded too stressful for us. We decided to move forward with a domestic adoption.
We turned in all the paperwork in December. We had to get background checks and fingerprints done. We also had to have our friends fill out questionnaires about us. Two of my friends later voiced their emotions to me about having to answer very personal questions about us and how difficult it was. (We never saw the questionnaires.) Our home study was scheduled at the beginning of February and we were approved at the end of the month. Katie P*, our adoption counselor, told us to go ahead and get a car seat and crib. I did those things as well as paint the future nursery a neutral gray color. During that time waiting for approval, I worked on our adoption profile book. “What is that?” you ask. Well, it’s a compilation of photos and texts that describe you as a couple and your hobbies, friends, family, etc. It is what the birth mother/parents look at to decide 1) which adoptive family they want to work with and 2) decide the fate of their child – I’m being a little dramatic here but that part is also true! It’s the first impression that a potential birth parent has of you, so I put a lot of heart and soul in it. {What that means is that I was a big stress ball about getting a shutterfly book together!}
After approval, the next part was the waiting game. This is when you hope an agency is working with birth mothers that want to make an adoption plan. Luckily, our agency had “waiting family” classes to keep us busy, but be proactive at the same time. We went to an infant care class and a toxicology class. It was helpful to be busy with positive things like that (and I also started a new job and in 2 weddings) while we were waiting. Every time we would get a call about a potential birth mother, I would tear up every time Katie P* told us the sex of the baby. That could be our baby. I’m not going to lie, it was devastating when we would get a call notifying us that we were not chosen (usually a couple of days later). One of our friends shared a really helpful thought with us during one of those times. He said that there was another baby that needed us more waiting for us. It was a comforting thing to think about.
This is the part where you have to believe in a little magic and have faith that God has a plan for everything. We got the call about Taylor S*, a birth mother in Happyville*, in early July. Yes, we wanted our profile book shown. I got a text at work asking about our Nationality. For the record, I’m Chinese and Mr. S is Caucasian. Could this be good? Asking questions about us means we’re being considered right? A couple of days later, I got a call from Katie P* telling me that Taylor S* picked us. I burst into tears of joy and could barely reply back to her. We were in the car on a road trip out of town. {I forgot to tell you that Mr. S kind of freaked out about not having time after having a baby so we were doing something or going somewhere almost every weekend.} We were told by Katie P* that she saw our profile book and knew that we were the ones. She didn’t want to look at the others, but she did when she was urged by her social worker to do it for completeness. The next part happened really fast. We flew to Happyville* for a day to meet Taylor S*. Our meeting lasted probably an hour and a half – it went by in a blink of an eye. She told us that she wouldn’t change her mind, and she seemed very serious. Katie P* told us to get ready for the baby but be cautiously optimistic and remember that it could NOT happen. I was extremely conservative and got crib sheets, 2 bottles, diapers, and wipes. I waited until the day before we flew out to buy and wash all the clothes. I was afraid to stock up on things JUST IN CASE it didn’t happen. Two weeks later, we flew back to Happyville* for the birth of our little boy. It was a scheduled c-section, and he was brought to us right after he was born. When the nurse put him in my arms, I felt like angels were singing. He was perfect, and everything felt right. We flew back to Fort Worth 3 days later.
Now, we are in the post placement period. Katie P* comes to visit us every month for 6 months until the finalization papers are filed. I have to say that we feel like every day is a blessing and we are the luckiest parents in the world. I’m not sure if it’s because of our long journey to finally have him or if all parents feel like this!
Anyhow, if you’ve made it this far… thank you for taking the time to read all of this and letting me share. Hopefully, it helps if you are/will be in the same boat. And please feel free to email me or comment if you have any questions.
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons, but I gave you some good ones so you can imagine some faces! BTW, I started writing this post on October 14th! That’s how long it takes me to get things done {and I consider this fast}!