One year ago, June 18th 2012, my life stood still for at least 10 days. It was the day before my nephew's3rd birthday. 10 days before Avrie turned the BIG ONE and the day that Aaron, Avrie and I lost our girl, Tiki. A large part of our hearts were sent up to puppy heaven that day. It's a day having four stories. One told by me, through my eyes. Another by told by Aaron and his role in discovering our loss. Third being the unknown story to be untold by the one or [anyone] that saw it all happen and finally, the story that I play out in my head because I will never really know how it all happened. I can only assume the sequence of events and this is what makes it hard to move on. No matter the story, it's one that both Aaron and I won't ever forget, not even if we try.
Tiki comes up in conversation a lot, almost daily between Aaron and I- she is missed that much and will continue to be missed just as much for all of our days. Just last week I was cleaning out & organizing Avrie's closet and found one of Tiki's hidden chew toys- it made my heart tighten, my eyes fill with tears and suddenly it took everything in me to swallow a huge knot in my throat. Aaron wasn't home and I wanted so badly to call him- but I didn't want him to hear me upset and not be able to be here for me.
I moved on, like I so often do when a memory of her pops up. Eventually she faded just as quick and she appeared. I can't be sure about that night but most nights when Tiki comes up in a day she visits me while I sleep- in my dreams. I have always been a vivid dreamer and can still, to this day, recall some of my most reoccurring dreams of a child. The benefit in this, I wake up many morning feeling like I have just spent the night cuddling with my dog, watching her run around outside and jumping 4 feet in the air for a treat.
While this post might be a sad one, it's important I sit down to write this out. That day changed me forever. I felt the awful and irreplaceable pain of losing something so loved and SO close to me. I feel that I am still dealing with it, on my own, and hope to someday move forward with peace in my heart knowing that Tiki's spunky, fun loving, crazy min pin self is still here with us and someday sends another dog down to us to love and be apart of our family.
So that MIGHT answer the question that so many want to ask us, try to ask us and DO ask us- will we get another dog? The answer... probably, someday, we just don't know when.
There have been SO many days (mostly following a night of Tiki dreaming) that I want to search the paper/internet for min pins. But I have to remember a couple of things; with dogs comes a lot of responsibility. Dogs truly become apart of the family from day one. When we brought Tiki home with us in 2006- she was our everything, and nothing else mattered. That wouldn't be the case these days for a second dog- now, we have Avrie, she is our number one!
SO... in time, I am sure that, YES, we will get a dog. NO it won't be another min pin and it won't be my choice in breed (a doberman- aka a giant tiki!) ;) I can never let myself get as attached to another animal. I just don't want to have to experience it hurting like this again.
Thanks for listening. I feel much better tonight and hope this is what I needed to get over my "i don't feel like blogging today..." and that today will be a good day full of happy memories. RIP teeker!