I am a street stumbler. Yes, that’s right. Sexy isn’t it. Any rogue crack in the pavement, an unfortunately placed rock, a drop in the curb.
If I’m being really honest, I can’t blame the council and the rubbish footpaths; the biggest obstacle is usually my own feet (Sigh).
I have very small feet for my height, so my family and I have a couple of theories.
1) My feet are stretched too far from my brain, so adequate information about spatial awareness is not reaching the correct neural centers in time. 2) As my foot to height ratio is all off. I’m like a human walking on stilts without an appropriate base to keep me stable.
Yes, I am well aware that I am clinging to any possibility other than the obvious one staring me right in the face. That I am a straight out klutz.
There was this one time in particular. I walked up to the lights of an intersection, hurrying to cross even though the little man was blinking a warning that it was not safe. So I picked up the pace and started to jog. At which point I caught my foot on the uneven tarseal and started the dance. You know the dance. The I’m-going-down-can-I-save-myself–bent-over-trying-to-stay-upright-arms-flailing-to-regain-balance-dance. Luckily, I didn’t hit the deck this time. But there were two lanes of traffic watching and numerous people wandering around The Cook Tavern heading to class.
Embarrassed? Yes quite. Head down Katie, walk swiftly to safety. Find a dark corner. Bang head against wall repeatedly.
I must add here, that I think street stumbling is genetic. Mum went down like a ton of bricks in London and sacrificed and entire bag of food from the market to break her fall. We sat on Primrose Hill and ate squashed strawberries and flattened chocolate tart.
So, if you are a fellow street-stumbler, please feel free to use the following strategies that I have devised to regain a shred of dignity in the wake of such an incident:
1) If you trip just a little and you have an audience. I find the queens wave to be adequate.
2) If you stumble, quickly take out your phone and make a call as you walk away. Yes you look like a dick, but at least people will think you have friends.
3) If the unthinkable happens and you go all the way down, try to curve your body and roll. When playing netball I used to call this my army roll, used to prevent taking the skin off my knees.
4) If the army roll has been executed, be sure to leap up swiftly and bow.
5) I slipped over in a bar once and took a guy down who was unfortunate enough to be standing next to me. I quickly blamed him for the incident.
‘jeez the nerve of that guy. Waters between your beers buddy! This bar is full of drunken land mines!’
6) If you slip on the dance floor, quickly rearrange your legs to look as though you were attempting the splits. Whether you are successful or not, it will generate some cheers of appreciation and someone might even buy you a drink.
7) Whatever happens, be sure to get up, smile and have a chuckle. There is nothing sexy about being a street stumbler, but there is something truly sexy about a person who is secure enough to have a laugh at themselves.
Wishing you a stumble-free weekend.
Much love XX