Back 35 years ago, whenever I got a new girl, pretty soon into it I would say, “I want to have an open relationship. You can go out with other guys, but I don’t want to hear about it. Just lie and say you’re not with anyone. Do it and don’t tell me. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. And same with me. Maybe you or I is going out with other people, maybe we’re not. No one will know or care.”
They would think a bit and usually say it was ok, and then they would usually say they never had such a relationship before. But this was in the 1970’s when everyone was supposed to be cool and groovy, and being in an open relationship just meant you were really cool and groovy person. I had girlfriends who were dubious at first, but then I heard they were going around bragging to all their girlfriends that they were in an open relationship with me. Their girlfriends would usually be outraged and appalled but my girlfriend would not care as she was getting off on being cooler and groovier and hipper than they were.
I continued having open relationships for some time, and in fact I still have them a lot.
The best ones are these “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” types described above where no one really knows what is going on with the partner. They could be just with you. They could be dating other people. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. You have no idea. But then you think, “But hey, I like it that way. Ignorance is bliss.” It helps that I am not a very jealous guy.
One problem is you have a girlfriend and then you start going out with other chicks. It’s ok for a while but then the girlfriend calls up and says, “Hey what about Saturday night? Let’s go do this.” Unfortunately, you have already made a date with Hottie on the Side #2 for Saturday night. Now you can break the date with Hottie 2, but she will want to know why. Of course Hottie 2 knows nothing about the girlfriend, which is the way it has to be. This is a brand new relationships and you do not break dates with women early on. You do it and you’re dead. She will dump you like a hot potato.
So you say to the girlfriend, Hey I would love to but I am busy that night.
Gf: Busy huh? (suspicious but intrigued, playing detective).
Me: Yep. Busy. Can we do it another nite?
Once you start doing that, unfortunately your girlfriend starts getting mysteriously “busy” some nights too.
Me: Hey let’s go to that new restaurant Friday nite.
Gf: Friday nite? Can’t.
Me: Why not?
Gf: Busy……..(She says it like she is playing this little spy game).
You have no idea if she is really busy or not or if she is just making it up to sort of get even with you and be like, “I can play that game too.”
If the girlfriend starts to tell you about some new guy, just get very angry at her and say, “I told you I don’t want to hear about that, dammit!” Then she will shut up and do whatever. Also if any of your male friends says, “Hey I saw your girlfriend with some guy,” just get very angry and him and say, “Dammit! I told you I don’t want to hear about that crap!” Then explain you are in an open relationship with her. Your friend will probably be appalled, but you just smile because that you are in one means you are cooler, hipper and groovier than your stupid uptight friend.
I was in a couple of these recently and I put my status “In an open relationship” on my page. The girlfriend didn’t really like to see that, so I told her to just do the same on her page. She did and got off on feeling hip and groovy I assume.
The weird thing is after I put that up, all these female Facebook friends I never hear from starting clicking like on that status. And of course a lot of guys did too. Some people, often men, will leave comments like, “Open relationship? That sucks! I would never my wife touch another man! What are you a sicko?” You don’t care that he says that because he is just being an uptight fogie while you are all hip and groovy.
Then you just say, “Yeah, I’m a sicko haha.”