On Frienemies in the Wedding Industry

Like hav­ing a pro­fes­sional rela­tion­ship with some­one? No. Like pre­tend­ing to be friends, when really you can’t stand each other.

Friene­mies: a wed­ding indus­try issue?

It almost makes sense if you work in an office where every­one goes out for drinks together or to reg­u­lar office par­ties. But in the wed­ding indus­try? Why is hav­ing friene­mies a big issue for us?

Per­haps it’s the lovey-dovey nature of the busi­ness. Per­haps it’s because there are some very smarmy, old-fashioned wed­ding busi­ness own­ers out there who feel they have to pre­tend to be fas­ci­nated by their com­peti­tors’ new ideas. Per­haps there are so many sole traders out there we cling together for sup­port more than other indus­tries do, but it doesn’t work out. Or per­haps it’s none of the above.

The UK wed­ding indus­try — hon­estly, it’s not like that!

I’ve met many hon­est, gen­uine and moral peo­ple in this indus­try. I haven’t made friene­mies. I’ve made some good friends. I’ve made acquain­tances who, if we had more time, could become my friends. I’ve also spo­ken to peo­ple I don’t like very much, but I’ve never pre­tended to be their friend.

In my wed­ding busi­ness and blog­ging world, there are no friene­mies. There are friends, there are peo­ple I like who I’d wel­come as friends, and there are pro­fes­sional rela­tion­ships. That’s it.

Friene­mies: a new word for an out­dated concept

Wed­ding blogs’ preva­lence and the growth of social media will make friene­mies a thing of the past. As Think Splen­did’s Liene says, “the mar­kets with the least cre­ative ideas, the least inno­va­tion, who are the last to par­tic­i­pate in social media for fear that the world will steal their ideas… are frienemy mar­kets”

How not to have Frienemies

It’s dead sim­ple: be pro­fes­sional. Recog­nise a busi­ness rela­tion­ship for what it is. Don’t fake any­thing more. If you’re faced with min­gling with peo­ple you don’t like at wed­ding events, just avoid them and stick close to the ones you like. Your busi­ness isn’t worth the stress of a fake rela­tion­ship with any­one you secretly despise.

It doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly…

Nur­ture baby friend­ships. Peo­ple you meet, chat to, like… it takes time to get to know some­one prop­erly and they could be great friends. There are peo­ple I’ve met online in this indus­try who I admire and respect — who I wish I could get to know bet­ter but work­loads have got in the way.

And share: be hon­est and open.

Don’t be afraid of the com­pe­ti­tion. Nur­ture your wed­ding busi­ness, make sure your prod­ucts and ser­vices are the very best they can be. Take care of your brides and grooms, give them a shop­ping expe­ri­ence they will enjoy and remem­ber. Any rival busi­ness out there who wants to steal your ideas prob­a­bly won’t last long any­way. So share your ideas, dis­cuss your plans and most of all offer help and advice to new busi­nesses. I do, I have and I always will. It’s nice to be nice.

But I’d never pre­tend to be friendly because I wanted some­thing for my wed­ding busi­ness. I’d never fawn over a wed­ding mag­a­zine edi­tor or suck up to some­one influ­en­tial with some ulte­rior motive in mind. This might have been how it worked in the wed­ding indus­try ten years ago but it isn’t any more.

And the moral of the story?

I’m not quite sure how to con­clude this blog post. I don’t think I’m naive, but per­haps I am rude — if I don’t like some­one, I won’t talk to them. And if that’s rude I don’t par­tic­u­larly care! There’s nor­mally a very good rea­son why I don’t like people.

I don’t think there are many peo­ple with friene­mies in this indus­try. I don’t believe the wed­ding indus­try is full of peo­ple cul­ti­vat­ing dis­hon­est rela­tion­ships to fur­ther their careers. (that’s pol­i­tics) — but I see enough pro­fes­sional cour­tesy between wed­ding sup­pli­ers to reas­sure me that friene­mies aren’t tak­ing over our world.

I haven’t met any­one who’s tried to be my frienemy since I got involved in the wed­ding indus­try eight years ago.

Per­haps I’m not going to the right parties…