The kids are back to school this week. April vacation is over and they were sent off to school this morning. I am happy and sad all at the same time. I miss them when they are gone, but I appreciate the schedule when they have school. I might not be feeling this way in a month or so though. But really I much prefer having a schedule and the kids really do too (the little ones especially).
Chaos Ensues When There Is No Schedule
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Really I tell you it's true. We had a lot of late nights last week. A lot wasn't getting done which has left a huge mess. Nap and sleep schedules were all out of whack which then made eating schedules out of whack. It was just a trickle down affect that really was starting to take its toll.
Saturday night my 4 year old son had a complete melt down. He hadn't been listening to simple instructions like don't go out that door and don't lock your sister out. I was fed up with the defiance and I told him to go get his PJs on it was time for bed. It was about 8 p.m. at this point which normally is his bedtime, but after a week of staying up until 10 and visiting with our neighbor every night he wanted to go downstairs. We were going to go down there actually, but when he went into hysterics over my telling him to put PJs on and then was yawning while crying I knew he needed to go to bed.
His big sister convinced him to get his PJs on. I think she told him if you just stop crying and do it we'll probably get to go downstairs. He didn't stop the crying though he just got a little quieter. And once his PJs were on and I said okay now it's off to bed I had a massive temper tantrum on my hands. I put him to bed, I closed the door, and he cried for twenty minutes about how he wanted to go see our neighbor. He wanted to go say goodnight to her. It's heartbreaking as a parent to hear these cries, but at the same time I knew it was for the best. His crying stopped and he slept long and hard. Didn't get up until after 8 the next morning. A nice 12 hour clip of sleep there which I would say he very much needed.
Old School Parenting
During this twenty minutes or so he bawled in his bed I went on Facebook to share my parenting joy. I mean come on what else was there to do? Well, really I figured the way he was carrying on my neighbor could probably hear him and I didn't want her think I was torturing the poor boy or something. So I explained the situation and an old childless high school friend commented on my status that this was "old school parenting". He didn't mean it in a bad way either. He was totally behind me in this.
You see he works in retail, much like my husband does. So one of the joys of retail is getting to see how parents handle their children's behavior in public. And we have all been in stores and seen what parents will allow their children to get away with. And this isn't about mommy wars or anything like that. Everyone has a different style of parenting, but there are just some things that I think wasn't done much when we were kids. Maybe it was though and we just didn't notice.
My friend was saying that he has seen so many parents out with their children after 9 and up until close in his store which I'm guessing must be around 11. And he, a person without children, can look at these very young children and see that their temper tantrums have a lot to do with the fact that they are just exhausted. And they are just walking around completely ignoring what their children are doing. He even told me that he has had to remove 3 year olds from the 3rd shelf and explain to them why they shouldn't be climbing on the shelves. All the while the parents are completely oblivious to the fact that one their child was climbing the shelves and two that a complete stranger was just reprimanding him. They were too engrossed in their conversation or shopping.
And then my friend was like now don't parents have eyes on the back of their heads? Because my mom sure did! Well, yes I know I do, but I think some just have better vision out of those eyes on the back of their heads than others do.
Then again I also think a lot of times there's more to it than just seeing what our children are doing. Because I think they see just fine, but it's a matter of just not caring.
I Want To Be My 4 Year Old's Best Friend
I think it's a big case of the I don't want to be the meanie, I just want to be his friend. I want to be the cool mom. Hey, I want to be the cool mom too, but I want to be the cool mom with polite children who are ALIVE! I think I do some pretty good cool mom things that my kids will remember. I make them some pretty awesome birthday parties every year. They get homemade cake and cupcakes for home and school. Every so often we'll have water fights or Nerf gun fights. Sometimes they get to eat nothing but junk for dinner.
And sometimes my 4 year old will say, "I hate you mom!" And it stings, but five minutes later he'll give me a wry little smile and tell me he was just kidding. And he certainly didn't wake up yesterday morning hating me after being sent to bed early the night before. He bounced out of bed ready to start his day and even cuddled in my bed with me for a few.
We can't set up this trend of having to be liked all the time by our kids. Believe me, it gets very hairy as they get older. Sometimes you don't even realize you've done something to offend tweens/teens. You can just be going about your day and suddenly one of them isn't talking to you. The how or why is never to be discovered. And if I spent my days trying to make sure my 10 year old and 13 year old thought I was the coolest thing on the face of this planet I wouldn't have time to do anything else.
I would be doing my children a terrible disservice in life if I allowed them to run wild even at a young age. While our children need to spread their wings and need to be kids there is a time and a place for that. In the grocery store at 9 p.m. is not the time or place to allow our children to climb things or run up and down the aisles screaming. There are parks and jungle gyms for that to happen in. Can you imagine what this world would be like if adults just ran wild in the supermarket and climbed the shelves? There are just certain things we don't do in public and our children need to be taught that.
If your child is climbing the shelves, YOU the parent remove him from the shelves and explain to him this is not a playground this is a store. We do not climb on things. If he cries, he cries. If he won't stop then he will have to sit in the carriage buckled in. These are the things that happen. My children get a choice. They can walk around the store as long as they don't run ahead and touch everything, or they can sit in the carriage strapped in. If they choose to walk and then don't follow the rules they get a warning and told what the consequence will be and if it continues then they are buckled into the carriage. It's that simple. There is no reason that any child should run around a store crazy.
What About Going Out Late
Sometimes that late night run to Target for toilet paper cannot be avoided. You're out and about, time gets away from you, and you are all out of toilet paper. Sometimes you just have to go in there late. Sometimes your kids are just beat and can't stand yet another store to be dragged to. But don't prolong everyone's misery. Be aware that your child is at his limit. Go in, grab the toilet paper, and check out. Don't walk around the store for other things you might need. You have a ticking time bomb on your hands. You don't know when it's going to blow so you need to get in and out of there and fast.
And I know there are people out there who think I should take my very young preschool children out to dinner at 7 or 8 at night. And make them sit still for an hour to eat dinner and then drag them to the grocery store at 9/9:30 and people should just deal because I have to get groceries to feed my family. Yes, you need groceries, but must you shop with your very tired children that late at night? Take note of your children and their behavior. Don't expect them to be able to tolerate this stuff late at night. And don't expect people to not get upset that you would ruin their dining and shopping experience by bringing your young children out late at night when they should be in bed!
Schedules Are Important For Children
Children like to know what to expect and when to expect it. You don't have to schedule a million different outside activities for young children, but having clear cut routines makes them much less grumpy. It helps you too in knowing when is the best time to do things with your kids. Because we all have to schedule doctors appointments and hair cut appointments in life. Wouldn't it be better to schedule these things at a time you know your child is less likely to be cranky? And how will you know what the witching hour is going to be if you just let them fall asleep wherever and whenever?
This past week was tough on my youngest sleep schedule. She would miss her morning nap and then be really cranky and sleep for 4 hours in the afternoon. All because we weren't getting up and getting ready and doing our normal day to day schedule. We were up late, we were eating later, we were all getting cranky. I was happy to not have the push of getting everyone out the door at certain times and homework and baths at a certain time. It's nice to not have all of that pressure for a little while, but we can only take so much of the slacking off before we need to get back down to business.
Even for me it works out better. I can write in peace and get done what I know I have to get done around the house and I have a time frame with which to do it in. I need that for my own sanity and my kids need it to get the proper rest they need.
But if nothing else parents really need to be more in tune with their children's needs. We need to take a step back and think is going down to visit with our neighbor really in all of my children's best interest? Or is this clearly a tired child I have on my hands that needs to go to bed? Maybe it's not so much Old School Parenting and more of In Tune Parenting.
Are you an Old School Parent like my friend says I am?