The first?Ganglion.
The second?Lipoma.
The third?An odd mole.
The fourth?Sebaceous.
It just keeps getting prettier, don’t it?
I am in the doctor’s office, awaiting the removal of Lump Three.And the device attached to the wall?
The McKesson 22-900 Desiccator.
The Desiccator!
Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
"Hello! This is Sarah."
“Sarah,” I whisper. “Working on removal of my third weirdness in under a year, and I just have to tell someone:I’m in the presence of the Desiccator!”I hear the click-click-click of her turn signal.
“Oh, hey,” I apologize, “You in traffic?I can call you back.”
“Pfft,” she says.“Hands-free, baby.What’s this about a desiccator now?”
“It’s mole-removal time.”
“The one on your back?”
I shift my phone from my right ear to my left.“What, does everyone know?”
“Just me and your doctor,” says the woman in the medical industry.
“Never mind that,” I say.“Can you believe there’s something called the desiccator in here? It’s like I’m about to be invaded by Mongols or something.”
“What?” she shouts.“No brake lights?Moron!”Her tone changes.“Sorry.And yes.The Desiccator: it dries and slices.”
I rifle through the doctor’s pile of ancient Good Housekeeping magazines.“What am I,” I say, “Beef jerky?”
Sarah laughs.“Close!Do you know I was in on the testing of that particular machine?”There is the sound of a car honking.“Hey – you know how we tested it?”
“I have no idea.”
“Steak!”She sounds triumphant.“Pounds and pounds of high-grade beef!Close to human flesh, you know.Tested it for how many cuts it can make before it –“
“OK, OK,” I laugh.“I’m about to sliced.”
“Yes, you are,” she says.“But it will be sharp and clean and pretty much painless.What are you doing afterward?”
I shrug, secure that she knows that I am shrugging.“Waiting for the Lidocaine to wear off?”
“Only while eating sushi!” she declares.“Pick you up?Our usual downtown spot?”
I smile, secure that she knows that I am smiling.“Give me 30 minutes,” I say.
“See you then,” she says.
“Hey!” I yell.
“Hmm?”
“I love you,” I say.
She laughs.“I love you, too.”
Click.