Kelly Rowland fell victim to a satire online newspaper yesterday, which thought it was okay to make fun of the future occupation of her unborn child. The newspaper boldly titled the article “Kelly Rowland Pregnant With Future Personal Assistant To Blue Ivy. Read some excerpts from the satirical write up, via The Atlantic Wire after the jump.
Blue Ivy has no siblings, which, yes, means that there’s currently no risk of a more attractive and talented sister relegating her to the proverbial Solange role in her family. But it also means she doesn’t have a permanent entourage she can refer to as “ma gurls” in her future song lyrics or who will appear in her future music videos or take future selfies with her when the future clubs are future jumpin’-jumpin’. What I’m saying is, Blue Ivy needs a posse.
Well! It appears that former Destiny’s Child Kelly Rowland has heeded that need (or at least has moved to honor a Beyoncé-decreed legal obligation) and has become pregnant! That’s right, following her whirlwind romance, Skype engagement, and under-publicized wedding to a gentleman named Tim Witherspoon, Kelly Rowland has announced her pregnancy on Instagram! The cryptic announcement was really just a pair of baby Air Jordans next to a regular-sized pair and the caption “I’ll be stuntin like my daddy.” That’s about it as far as pregnancy confirmations, though, so please be advised this entire incident miiight just be an example of a woman buying baby clothes for herself before getting pregnant. Would you put that sort of thing past Kelly Rowland? Don’t answer that. Let’s just assume she’s pregnant.
But I know what you’re thinking: How exactly could a possible boy-child become the first member of Blue Ivy’s “ma gurls”? That is for you and your outdated gender notions to work through.
Congratulations to Kelly Rowland and Blue Ivy Carter! May the future Rowland-Witherspoon child be as fastidious at signing non-disclosure agreements as he/she will be at carrying out Starbucks orders.
We are used to Kelly Rowland and Michelle getting shade thrown on them, but do you think that this article and headline was a bit too far?
via The Wire