Never Seen It! Sunday: The Thing

Posted on the 09 October 2011 by Cinefilles @cinefilles
You know when you're talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you've seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen "parts of it" because you don't want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too - and we hate ourselves for it! That's why we're vowing to watch at least one movie we've put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us as recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!
Photo: impaawards.com
THE THING

DATE RELEASED: June 25, 1982
DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: October 8, 2011

WHY NOW? The scene-for-scene remake - er, prequel? - of this cult classic (which follows a research team in Antarctica who have to turn against one another an alien starts inhabiting their bodies) comes out next Friday and I want to be able to critique it with the best of the sci-fi horror nerds and John Carpenter connoisseurs. 
WHY NOT THEN? It came out seven years before I was born. EXPECTATIONS:
  • Kurt Russell, being extraterrestrially badass.
  • Lots of gnarly, pre-CGI  make-up that puts modern stuff to shame.
  • Gorgeous snow bank cinematography.
  • An overwhelming, heart-freezing ending.
  • Basically, 30 Days of Night, minus the vamps, plus a body-snatching alien.
WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT...
  • Kurt Russell being extraterrestrially badass and grungy sexy with a hobo beard. drinking problem and flame thrower.
  • An awesomely cheesy, 1980s opening, complete with an animated UFO and overdone title card.
  • AMAZING make-up and animatronics, making it possible to make it look like a dog's face is getting ripped in half and unearthing a tentacled beast -- among other disgustingly awesome things.
  • A haunting score by  none other than Ennio Morricone!  
  • The uncle from My Girl/My Girl 2!
  • THIS GUY.
  • Lots of lead-up time, not so much action. And not in a bad way.  If you've seen Halloween, Carpenter's other absolute-best, you know what I mean.
  • A simple, wholly effecting story that doesn't get too wrapped up in confusing, unnecessary scientific explanation and focuses on the characters and their reactions to the horrors manifesting in front of - and in some cases, within! - them.
  • An underwhelming, but still chilling ending.
ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? Definite second date potential, but not immediately. While I definitely enjoyed and appreciated this classic, which I'm calling Aliens in the Arctic, I'm not sure The Thing is, uh, something I could rewatch on a regular basis. I'll wait until I've forgotten the majority of the gory details, so I can be sufficiently grossed out again.