Naked Emperor - I Can See You!

I've never really worried what people think of me. I usually try to do the right thing when possible so if anyone disagrees with me or dislikes me, then that's fine.  Nor do I care what people have - it's pretty meaningless at the end of the day and certainly doesn't make you a better person.
As I'm getting older I'm not only finding I care less and less about appearances and popularity, I am less tolerant when others are obviously trying to impress.
So, rather than risk slapping them upside the head, here's my message to all the annoying show-offs out there,
I know you're really insecure if:

• Your phone is set to ping loudly in public places when you get a text. No one wants to know how "popular" you are. If you were really popular you wouldn't feel the need to do this. **
• You walk around with your phone in your hand instead of in your pocket or in a bag. Are you deaf? There is a volume thing on your ringer you know. Or are you so important that your phone rings all the time. And if so, is it important that everyone knows?
• Your social invitations are on show on a mantlepiece or a noticeboard, either of which can immediately be seen by anyone coming into your house. What? Are all the drawers in your house jammed shut?
• On entering the room at a party you scan it quickly, looking for "the players". Just go and talk to the people you really like and don't worry that they're not the most popular/rich/trendy.
• Your car is upgraded every year. OK, with the MOT situation in the UK, I can understand every three years, to save the trouble of having it tested and repaired. But every year? Are you worried that a one-year old car is going to break down on you, or - do you need to show people what you can afford? 

You're not fooling anyone you know.
** This post was inspired by a Tweet from Shouty Dad, who had the misfortune of sitting next to a guy like this the other evening.