Sorry about my absence yesterday due to a somewhat hectic weekend. Anyway, in a rapidly changing world it is nice to see this Monday has dawned with mist and rain and wind - so no change there, then! Hopefully - well, a man may hope , may he not? - these will cheer you up:
Today's word is ... Fluctuation.
I was at my bank today; there was a short queue with just .
one Asian lady in front of me who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated .. .. ...
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla for yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations!"
The Asian lady said, "And fluc you white people too"
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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies,
"No problem, just get that lion out of there."
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A fellow was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon, "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God, no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please, Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is I have another one to replace it with but it's a woman's arm...and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it, Doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well, and a year later, the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great." says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved,
I've learned how to sew my own clothes, and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water-colours."
"That’s unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one," said the golfer, "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.
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