It’s time to confess. Shhhhhhhh. I am a bit of a sucker for junk mail. Love it. Shiny, colourful catalogues full of so many interesting bits and pieces – some worth adding to the Christmas list, many not. All-in-all there are worse ways to spend 10 minutes while having a cuppa aren’t there?
Like most things in life though, there is a pecking order to junk mail – the Myer catalogue beats the Target catalogue, which beats the Anaconda catalogue which beats the Polytank catalogue (yes, we live in a semi-rural area on tank water and no, we are not in the market for a new tank, thanks for your continued correspondence Mr Polytank).
Somewhere along this continuum is the Innovations catalogue. You know from the get go that it’s going to be bad, dreadfully shocking even, yet you can’t help but open it for a gander. Just a weeeeeee little look and then it’s too late. You’re trapped. Suckered right in to turning pages on the off-chance that the next page offers products that are less useless, less plastic-y and less ridiculous. Guess what? You lose. And you never, ever stood a chance of winning.
Not so long ago, the Best of Innovations catalogue landed in the junk mail pile and with disregard for the above-mentioned lessons I have learnt over and over and over again, I had a squizz. It was dreadfully hard to select my best of the best, but I stuck with it and finally narrowed the field down to these 5 little pearlers.
The Portable Exercise Bike
Why hellllllloooooo baby! Nothing yells AWESOME quite as loudly as a piece of exercising equipment that encourages you to get fit while watching TV! “Forget the inconvenience of regular exercise equipment!”. Oh, ok, but if truth be told I’m actually more likely to remember the inconvenience of ALL exercise equipment – either the regular kind or the cheap and nasty. Biggest alarm bell for me is the fact that it is promoted as being so portable and easy to carry, yet it’s described as being “ruggedly-made from steel tube and plastic” mmmmmmmmm.
The One Touch Recording System
Where-oh-where has this little ripper been when I’ve been wanting to crank out all the old vinyls I’ve been hanging onto for ever? I mean, Perry Como, Nana Mouskouri and Anne Murray it’s been far too long between spins! It’ll play all my prehistoric records and all of my geriatric cassettes and I’ll even be able to save them in a modern fandangled format! It looks mighty fine too – really, who doesn’t love a bit of antique style veneer? And the price? What a bargain!!! It’s under $550 plus there’s an incentive to chuck in another couple of hundred for the matching cabinet!!! A 10 month payment plan – awwwww gee, they think of everything these days don’t they? I’ll take a couple of them, I reckon – 1 for me, and 1 for you
The Stainless Steel Wallet
This is truly a first. In all of my travels, I’ve not once before stumbled across a stainless steel wallet. Ingenious! The promo says that it will “sit unobtrusively in your pocket”. Not sure whether it would continue to be unobtrusive if you frequently visit courthouses, prisons and/or airports. It reminds me of a gadget straight out of Get Smart and somehow with this, I think that they’ve missed the market “by this much” (got the Maxwell Smart visual? Good.)
Perfect Parking – No more guesswork!
This “gift idea” is an absolute cracker! Who’d give it away though, c’mon you’d keep it for yourself now, wouldn’t you? (You know it!!) For all of those blokes who complain about how the Mrs parks the car, this would have to be the best resolution for that tired old argument. There is no way that you’d bump/scratch/ding the car with that LED stop sign lighting up in warning! The portable, flexible, lightweight pole – when touched – flashes a bright LED light to STOP! Did I mention that it’s portable??? Yes, I did. So I reckon I’ll get 2. One each side of me in bed. A stray hand from the MOTH and whoompa …… cop this ………. STOP!!!! As soon as Baby Girl approaches my side of the bed to climb in ….. STOP!!!!!!! How have I lived without it???
Perfect. I’ll also grab a case of batteries thanks!
The Perfect Pet Accessory
If you are a pet-friendly family – as we are – then I’m assuming you’d already have one of these?? No?? Really????
Nah, neither do we.
Look closely at all the uber cool features: 3 tier (gee, that sounds impressive), odour resistant (you’d hope so), easy to clean (um, again, you’d hope so), with straining rack (oh, feeling queasy now ..)
Dog not included.
So much more, trust me, so very much more, but I did have to draw the line somewhere and hence they were my cream of the crop. I do however have some prototype pics of ideas that I think would go very well if introduced to the Innovations range. All are incredibly nifty, unique and very practical – what do you think????