Mummy Guilt?
Learn to forgive yourself
It’s a funny journey … this motherhood gig
Motherhood is such a funny journey and I’m not always talking funny of the ha!ha! kind either. Mummy Guilt is often there, lurking in the shadows of a she-parent’s mind, waiting to pounce and it’s a phenomenon that starts even before the little darling is born. A pregnancy is announced and immediately there are raised eyebrows at a sip of champagne, a slice of Brie and heaven forbid a Maccas soft serve ice-cream treat for the mum-to-be. Ok, so I’m NOT really condoning the consumption of known foetus-unfriendly foods but I am suggesting that the sight of those positive pink lines can trigger a roller coaster ride of guilt that is truly difficult to overcome, even from the time conception is confirmed.
Am I doing this right?
The “am I doing this right?” question Mums (and Dads too!) ask of themselves is a universal one and seems to compound as our darlings grow and we tackle all sorts of conundrums – breast vs bottle, cloth vs disposable, co-sleeping vs controlled crying, white vs wholemeal, stay at home vs back to work, private vs public ……. and on it goes. I’d love to find and chat over a cuppa with a Mum who has never experienced a decent dose of Mummy Guilt but heck, where do I look for her?
I stand by my belief that Mums are intrinsically motivated to parent the best way they can, with the resources that they have, and we are lucky to live as villagers in a global community where support, reassurance and advice can be provided to those who seek it. There are many excellent articles, magazines, books, forums and blogs out there to assist with parenting BUT when these are consulted, please, I’m hoping that it is with firm confidence in the Mum’s own inner parenting voice that tells her what is best for her and her child. What works for Mrs Jones and her brood may not necessarily work for Ms Smith and hers and that’s A-ok.
What’s perfect parenting anyway?
When I’m not perfect (yes, it’s often enough!) I’m letting my kids know that I’m human. I do hope that my three have learnt many lessons in forgiveness during our amazing journey together, just as I’ve learnt to forgive myself when my times of acting with a well intended heart has not always had the desired outcome. Do I carry the burden of Mummy Guilt? Honestly? Of course I do, but thankfully it’s less so these days.
When I worry about the need to parent perfectly (whatever that looks like?) I reflect upon the couple who reared me. My Mum and Dad.
Were they perfect? No.
Did they love me and parent as such? Yes.
Do I love them today? Absolutely.
Children know, you know
Your children already know that you sometimes make mistakes and they also know how much you love them. They can tell, you can’t fool them with this one. Children don’t measure your love in terms of hours or by how much money you can spend on them – they absorb your love through the mindfulness you show, the gestures you make and the resolve you demonstrate to love them unconditionally.
Learning to forgive yourself
Mummy Guilt can serve some purpose when we take time to reflect upon our parenting to then improve our family situation because it’s surrounding a need that we’ve found through self discovery. It becomes a dangerous trap though, when we compare our parenting and our families to others – be they people and families we know or some imagined perfect household manifested by the media. Please forgive yourself – no one has ever been the perfect parent – not ever. Just remember that the skill of self-forgiveness is another life-lesson that your child will learn from you and that’s a real win-win!
Have you been a victim of Mummy Guilt? Have you learnt to forgive you?
Mummy Guilt – it’s about forgiveness
It’s Tuesday and we know that means IBOT.
You can find it over at the purely awsome Essentially Jess!
Have you checked it out yet, because it’s terrific!!
photo credit: Cia de Foto via photopin cc