I am keeping this so bad it’s good movie train running because I fucking love watching bad movies. Sure I have covered Birdemic and The Room the past two days, but it’s time for me to briefly cover a movie that is just a train wreck from start to finish. The Wicker Man, not the one from 1974, but the 2006 bat shit insane Nic Cage punch fest that turned out to be more unintentional comedy than a horror movie. When the crowning achievement of this movie is seeing Nic Cage in a bear suit randomly punching women on a secluded island, you know you have gold on your hands.
A young child has gone missing and it’s up to a haunted but determined policeman to travel to the remote island community where she was last seen and solve the lingering mystery of her disappearance in director Neil LaBute’s updated reworking of Anthony Shaffer’s 1973 cult horror classic. Upon receiving a letter from his one-time fiancée, Willow (Kate Beahan), imploring him to search for her missing daughter on the secluded island of Summersisle, Policeman Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) quickly makes his way to the island to locate the girl and seek an answer as to why Willow suddenly and inexplicably disappeared shortly before their wedding date. Once there, Malus is troubled to discover that although there are traces of the child to be found in such locations as the local schoolhouse, the residents of Summersisle seem reluctant to offer any specific details as to the girl’s apparent death. His investigation effectively stalled by the highly secretive Wiccan community, Sheriff Malus soon discovers that there are still some cultures that have their own unique beliefs about humankind’s relationship with Mother Earth, and refuse to adapt to the rules of modern society. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi
Much like the previous two bad movies I talked about, it is better if you just watch this movie to believe what I am saying. There is no great way to convey the utter insanity and seriousness that this movie achieved. Someone just let Nic Cage out of the cage with no control of his menacing acting. I remember talking about Vampire’s Kiss as Nic Cage at his most unrestrained and The Wickerman is a close, close second to that role. I am just sitting there dumbfounded that this is supposed to be a horror/thriller type film, a remake of the cult classic in 1974, but this, this is just not even that.
There are just far too many scenes of Nic Cage just overacting. It’s as if the director just did one take, told Cage to just let loose and then cut when the scene was over. No one was there to say maybe we should do another take or maybe some early blocking would help set the right tone. Nope, fuck it, Nic Cage is an actor and he only needs one take to get it right. It’s not just his acting that is makes this movie a mess, but the whole story in general. Scenes kind of feel truncated, like there is a whole other section of script that got dropped. The secondary actors just stiffly act in their scenes, the editing is just willy, and it all feels so rushed that serious scenes end up being unintentionally funny. I just can’t explain it all.
Anyways, if you enjoyed my review on The Room or Birdemic and that got you interested in seeing this movie, check it out immediately. You will be utterly amazed at how bad this movie is, but also so good in a morbid way. It’s Nic Cage running around on an island punching everyone he can!
*images via RottenTomatoes