Momma’s 12 Days of Christmas Presents Singing (So I Don’t Cry) by Off Duty Mom

The founders of Off Duty Mom have been inspired by the humor and hard work of parents everywhere.  In 2011, after realizing that parenthood was the most beautifully and gloriously exhausting job in the whole world, the Off Duty Mom blog  was formed to share the hilarious and heartbreaking moments so many of us endure through the child-raising process. With topics regularly covered ranging from Gangsta Rap to Jake and the Neverland Pirates, from infertility to public drunkenness, Off Duty Mom seeks to bring the world’s parents together in a forum that is supportive, fun, funny, thought-provoking, and brutally honest. Find Off Duty Mom on Facebook and Twitter @OffDutyMom.

So, we drummed up (hee hee) a little ditty to help tell it like it really is as we reflect this holiday season.

Like to hear it?  Here it goes…

On the First Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …alcoholic tendencies.

On the Second Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies.

On the Third Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Fourth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …five months without sleep

(wait, I will be back in a minute.  I have to pee.  Again.)

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …1/6^th my former gag reflex

   …five months without sleep

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …I forget.  I am sooooo tired.  

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …several tension headaches

   …I forget.  I am sooooo tired.    

   …1/6^th my former gag reflex

   …five months without sleep

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …a muffin top

   …several tension headaches

   …I forget.  I am sooooo tired.  

   …1/6^th my former gag reflex

   …five months without sleep

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …What?  Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.  Have you seen my car keys?

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …No free time.  Seriously.  None.

   …What?  Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.  Have you seen my car keys?

   …a muffin top

   …several tension headaches

   …I forget.  I am sooooo tired.  

   …1/6^th my former gag reflex

   …five months without sleep

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my children gave to me

   …Ugh.  Varicose veins.

    …No free time.  Seriously.  None.

   …What?  Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.  Have you seen my car keys?

   …a muffin top

   …several tension headaches

   …I forget.  I am sooooo tired.  

   …1/6^th my former gag reflex

   …five months without sleep

   …handprints on everything

   …the likelihood of making less money than my male counterparts at work

   …two droopy boobies

   …and alcoholic tendencies!

Ta-da!  So, it wasn’t terrifically musical, but I have been up since 4:30 so…whatever.

Merry Christmas!