I have no idea why, but I think I cleared the doctor's surgery this morning.
The clinicians should thank me for scoring them an early tea break for today's appearance.
Don't know what all the fuss was about.
After all, I was very demure in my long skirt, socks and lace-ups, headscarf, pretty blue lace thingumy and jacket.
Perhaps it was Clare's Anti-Joyce badge.
Snail bling ring?
Surely not the skull necklace!
The jacket that blinds?
Or maybe it was the delicious 1980s teddy wonderful Clare of Miss Simmonds Says sent me last week.
I raced home to consult my guidebook, circa 1961.
Chapter Four: Beautiful You, cleared everything up for me.
I was wearing not one but THREE foundation garments, gloves and nylons were not required, I had one kind of jewelry on several parts of my body, which I'm sure is what they really meant in point three.
And there it was, right there in black and white.
"Make the most of you."
Clearly that point should be right at the top of the page coz 52 years later, beautiful homemakers everywhere have forgotten "there's only one you in the whole world!"
Oh those ladies auxiliary chicas, they've been keeping that top tip under their skirts.
This one's for you!
Silk headscarf - gifted by Supermodel Tamera
All brooches and badges - gifted by those marvellous chicas, Tra-la-la, Mrs D and Clare
Blue all-in-one teddy - darling Clare
Silver necklace - gifted by hornacious Helga
Purple earrings - from darling Miss V
Socks - ballet shop
Old beaten and flogged shoes - ASOS sale
Billum bag, bangles - thrifted
Skirt, skull necklace, snail ring - various markets
Kisses,
Desiree xoxo