I've said a lot about terms like "Just the Stepmom" and "You don't understand. You don't have kids." I believe these are the two worst things you can possibly say to a stepparent. These are the things that cut the deepest and clearly are said without paying regard to anyone else's feelings. These are equally as disheartening as the actions taken by many who simply don't understand the role of a stepparent.
On this blog we work from a perspective of education and enlightment rather than one of scolding. So in that spirit I want to show the importance of society stepping up and being a part of the ever changing blending families.
According to Pew Research in 2011 more than 40% of all American adults have at least one step family member. With Americans divorcing at an alarming rate of almost 60% it is more and more likely that blended families will be part of everyone's reality. Now you can say that these statistics are the breakdown of traditional values in our country. Living in the middle of the country, I certainly have heard that before. You can also suggest that breaking tradition and making these choices is the fault of the family members and not society's problem. That's certainly what those seeking to protect the traditional American family want you to think. I tend to disagree.
I disagree because I believe in working with the reality of our situation rather than the ideals. There's nothing wrong with striving for ideals, in fact, that's a good thing. However, the reality of our current situation is what we must focus on to improve. The reality of our family situations is that almost half of Americans have stepfamilies. They are working to juggle the new found situations and work within the realm of the nontraditional family. Wouldn't this go a little smoother if society caught up?
Where do we begin? How do we get started? The answer as the simple one we hate so much, it starts with us. We must begin treating our stepfamilies as our own, not seeing the division of blood relative vs. stepfamilies. We must let go of the concept that only biological relations are really our true family members. We must begin by setting the example and then we must go out and impact our individual corner of the globe. Your corner might be as small as your immediate home or it might be fighting for a cause as important as insuring the rights of divorced dads. Regardless of where you are you can begin making an impact in your community by setting the example in your own life first.