Recently, my daughter and I were driving somewhere together and in my infinite wisdom I thought it was a good time to share some thoughts on how to have a successful marriage. My daughter scrunched up her nose and in no uncertain terms rejected my pearls of knowledge....why? Because her mother is divorced.
A little shocked...a little hurt...a little off guard...I found myself searching my mind and heart while looking out the window. Was it true that because of my newest title of "divorced" I was no longer in a position of giving advice on the topic of marriage?
My answer...."no." Now maybe that is just self serving as I think I have a lot to bring to the table but it made me question myself as to why I thought my experience was worthy of attention.
Good, bad or indifferent, I was married for 23 years... A very long time on any measurement. It is true that the marriage was destroyed by abuses of many types and ultimately ended. However, I believe it is through that exact experience where advice first germinated.
Maybe my daughter will eventually read this or will read it in her closet. But like all advice, it is only my job to deliver it and hers to do with it as she deems fit.
Advice:
1- Always remember why you got married. Some days are easier than others and eventually the fluff of the wedding dims. Stay close and love each other no matter what.
2- Don't go to bed angry. Wow...this is as old as dirt but there is so much wisdom in this. Resentments grow. Better to wake up the next morning on solid ground and not with unfinished business.
3- Don't take your spouse for granted. Try to be thankful for the big gestures but more importantly don't ignore the small, sweet, thoughtful things your loved one does. In the end, we all like being appreciated.
4- Stay true to yourself. Marriage is the uniting of two hearts but don't ever do anything that doesn't feel right to your core. Be a married couple...but don't sacrifice yourself in the process.
5- Go on a date at least once a month. Nice to do something fun. This breaks the routine and helps bring some excitement to the relationship.
For all you brides who have had a bad case of rolling eyes when your mother shares some insight, know that mothers carry their children in their hearts forever. We want you to avoid the mistakes and hurt we have experienced. That is because your mother started loving you long before you made your grand entrance.
And Danielle in case you do read this, I'm always here.
Kisses,
Deborah Stilettos
www.Facebook.com/MyDaughterIsGettingMarried.