Experiencing loss on his own
Advice from Dating Dad Brian Gallagher
Being a single parent doesn't mean that the other parent's family disappears no matter how much we want them to do so. Divorce means that a dating dad doesn't have to deal with his ex-mother-in-law(MIL) or the crazy sister-in-law on a daily basis but he does have to occasionally deal with them when it comes to visitation or, sadly, when there is a death in the family.
Recently, my ex-MIL passed away. To be honest, I didn't know what my reaction should be...should I be sad, indifferent, strong for the boys or grieve with the family? I really didn't have any frame of reference so I decided to follow along with however the boys reacted. They were typical teenage boys...practical. How much school will I miss? What time is it? Who will be there? What do I wear? What work days do I have to give up? (I think in the same terms...I blame peer pressure at home) They also were visibly shocked, despite her ongoing health issues, and were concerned for how I felt. I expressed to them that I felt terribly for their mom and her family. The ex-MIL was fairly young and really was the glue that held the family together. She cared deeply for my boys and always expressed that she wished there wasn't such a distance between them. I feel for the boys because this is the first loss they've experienced when they could really comprehend what it meant.
If you are involved with a dating dad in this situation the best thing you can do is be supportive of the kids. Dad may have talked to the kids about the passing but he probably went right into dad mode and went right to the practical and skipped the emotional issues with the kids. Dad has the logistics covered with bio-mom, but he may not be thinking about the kids at all times. It is hard for him to separate his past relationships with the family and bio-mom and it can be confusing emotionally for him. You should also be understanding when he puts the bio-mom and the kids before you and your relationship, again, it is a confusing time and stressful in dealing with the emotional well being of all involved. The kids may look for someone who is removed from the situation, mainly you, to talk about the loss and to answer the question "why isn't my dad going to the funeral?"
He is strong for his kids and their bio-mom so you can only imagine how strong he will be for you.