Someonecomes up to you and says, “I want to be in a live-in relationship”. And youbegin to think.
Doesthis person want to choose convenience over responsibility? Keep an exit optionopen and be focussed on the short term? Make an unconsidered choice and followthe trend? Is influenced by what is increasingly heard or said? Had a badexperience with marriage or witnessed dear ones go through a rough patch?
Youmay get surprisingly similar thoughts if someone comes up to you and says, “Iwant a flexible work arrangement”.
Nowimagine that it’s my child who comes up to me and says, “I want to be in a live-inrelationship”. I can’t just have thoughts and opinions. I will have to act. Dosomething for my child’s happiness and welfare.
Suremy child can make a choice. Just like she has in the past and handled it well.And be happy. Like I have been with my choices. Then, as an ordinary parentconcerned about her welfare, I would want to ensure -
· thatshe is making a considered choice and is doing it for the right reasons;· thatshe continues to respect and believe in marriage, to either consider it at somepoint, or at least, to be at peace with her choice and get peaceful vibes inreturn from married people;· thather partner scores well on the points mentioned above;· thatshe lives in a place that has people who are respectful of people and theirchoices.
Indulgeme. Replace ‘live-in relationship’ with flexible work arrangement. ‘Marriage’with full time regular work. The ‘person choosing to live-in’ with thecandidate desirous of flexible work. The ‘live-in partner’ with hiring manager,supervisor, team mate or family. The ‘place of residence’ with an organisation.
Andyou might just hit upon the ingredients of making flexible work arrangementswork ! Ask your questions, use the four points listed above, and get someanswers. As an organisation, check to see how much you generally respect your people and their choices. And you might be able to predict whether and how beneficial it could be to offer flexible work. As an individual, introspect if you continue to appreciate that, all else being equal, the career advancement opportunity should go to the other person on regular employment. And you might temper your insecurities about getting victimised while on flexible work. As a line manager, assess how much you are willing to partner with an employee on flexible work. And you might get the direction to make it work.
Since our individual and community experience with live-in relationships is more than it is with flexible-work arrangements, we could use the learnings from the former to inform the latter and push it in the right direction. Faster.