By Isis Win
Looking at the trans threats on Twitter during a week or so, for about one hour a day, I have found some interesting topics. Rather questions, that prompts me to write about them. Questions that I was under the idea trans people already thought before transitioning. Questions that assess the balance about considering transitioning and the potential changes that doing so will produce in their new life.
One of those questions spanned my wheels a zillion RPMs because it is a mighty good question that does not have a mighty answer. How to relate to others in such a way that finding a potential lover or relationship is possible? In a perfect world, this would not be an issue. Still, we live a reality that clearly spells discrimination of all kinds, and we transwomen are on the surface, more predominantly since the early days of this administration. What once was debated about the validity of transwomen turned into a battle of wits, when discriminators make accusations against us. Accusations invalidating the legitimacy of a post-op transsexual woman being in their congruence gender. I have never seen anything related to transmen in this regard, but talking about a female case, the story gets a little bizarre at times.
Keep in mind that this question comes from a very tiny number of people on each side. Transphobic individuals claim a post-op MTF person does not become a woman based on the premise that such a person was born in a male body. Passing through the routine protocols of the transitional process in their heads does not make a male a woman. Therefore, associating with a transwoman is considered by them – associating with a male. Considering the high numbers of homophobic people in the US, this finding makes this statement very important. So, is a transwoman is in fantasy expecting a straight man becoming a potential lover of them? In the past, several trans women that engaged in sex with unknowing men have been killed and walked out of court as victims, not criminals. One of the points to pass federal legislation protecting us.
This is an old issue argued thousands of times on both ends. Early 2k, I wrote a blog about becoming stealth to roam in the mainstream world as a genetic woman. My point here is that either a stealth TS remains in secret or discloses her nature to that potential lover, the risks are high, but revealing it may present a safety factor than a no disclosure. However, relating to others, especially to men attracted to us, cannot be the same as when we were in our original role relating to either one, a man or a woman.
Another question that equals the same is if it is possible to find a female lover. Lesbians do not care for anything sexual with a transwoman. In fact, 9 out of 10 lesbians I have known, knowing I am a trans woman, have dared to tell me they despise transwomen. Especially women that represent themselves as a feminine cis woman wear lipstick, pantyhose, and high heels. I do not keep count of encounters like that, but I estimate the numbers are in the 50 lesbians more or less think that way.
I have not asked straight women about this particular scenario because obviously, they are not interested in women. However, among the several dozen transgender women I have known personally, only a handful disclosed their secret to their wife, and they remained related but not after GRS. In the same situation, they are not lesbians; therefore, they have zero interest in pussy.
In about 20 years I have been researching our realm and the mainstream world around us, I have known perhaps a dozen women that do not care either way if the person they are attracted to is trans, not even gay. However, they do not easily trust either one because their concern is that their lover may change gears at some point and left them if I have witnessed this situation a few times.
The straight answer to both questions is no, man and women are not precisely interested in transwomen. However, there is something that can change that. If that person is open to befriend a transwoman, a lasting friendship can turn into a love affair or a relationship. Also, there are many men interested, perhaps curious about having sex with non-op transsexuals, and they are willing to give it a try, but not for a relationship, just sex. Admirers are known to fit this category. It is expected that they are already involved in a formal relationship with another woman.
A question I would ask these questioners is: are you interested and willing to explore the waters in the transsexual venues? That offers some potential, but clearly, sex is the predominant aspect to most.
Although the level of information about discrimination against us in most countries suffices for me to make an educated guess, I do not know enough to suggest anything, but be careful when there is a potential whatever.
The life of MTF people will not be the equivalent of what was experienced before; unless transition happened when very young, there are no signs of GRS, and the result is a perfectly passable rendering. The older the person, the more male features are present. However, in all cases, it is of utmost importance to live in a stealth mode to avoid needing to disclose the past. The risk is too significant to ignore this premise.
My take is based on my personal experiences, what I know, and my age. When I decided to transition, one of the top items I considered was precisely this scenario. As well, it started with a question like the one I mention. Will I be able to find a loving relationship with another person other than another transwoman? My assessment told me no. Then I followed with another question: Will I be able to live with that? My answer was simple. Although I would love to have a committed relationship with a woman or a man, I was not interested in living with someone again. However, having a consistent lover was welcomed. My option there was exclusive with men, which I know they are available in trans venues. Finding a quality person was another question, but my genuine need at that juncture was to have sex. After very few short-lived affairs, I learned that sex, although it was good, it was not worth the rest of the implications of having a lover. Therefore, I chose celibacy. Instead, not to seek for someone to have sex with, but to be open for a possibility. However, such requires an investment I have not endured yet. To expose me to that lucky find. So, celibacy is here, and I am well with it and without sex or someone to cuddle with. A sad reality, but it was considered much before I transitioned.
Through the times I went bar hopping with my friends, I was sent drinks, later chatted with the man, and after knowing for sure, they were interested in playing with me I disclosed my nature. Being a public place and the presence of my friends, those men politely vanished from my view. Something I celebrated because a couple of times, I wished – wished something would happen, but obviously, the risk could be too high to exchange it for my safety. That was a sad, but very welcomed result.