- Obi-Wan: "So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."
- Luke: "A certain point of view?"
- Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
- ―The spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker
Star Wars Episode IV, Return Of The Jedi
It is very tempting to see the world in black and white. It somehow makes decisions a lot simpler. Yes or No. Good or Bad. There will never be a maybe nor uncertainties. But life is never black and white. It is so full of color and more!
The debate about black or white being a color had never had a definitive resolution. Even that gets different answers. To put things in perspective, black and white are about a spectrum of colors - the presence or absence of it. So why look at the extremes when there is a whole lot of layers in between.
Black and white thinking is very limiting. Looking at things through a black and white lens hinders you from seeing the full spectrum and depth of the situation. All or nothing thinking can even cause extreme emotional reaction. Sometimes you feel that you are a very terrible person and a complete disaster, while her life is perfect and impossible to do anything wrong. That can surely put your mood into full swing, and it's the easiest way to depression.
I often see myself arguing with my husband about making plans for our future. As with his own words, he is the person who plans short-term. He makes goals for himself and our family that he can complete within a few days or weeks. I on the other hand prefer long-term plans. I look at five, ten years ahead and where we should be. Is any of us wrong or right? The situation may call for different things. He is successful on short-term goals and that's what makes him fell successful. He sticks with that plan. Long-term planning is what works for me so I'm sticking with it. During the times that I am able to think better and analyze the situation, I think we just complement each other. It gives our family balance.
Black and white thinking is greatly influences by the results of what happened on a certain scenario that people experienced in their past. For example, a child hurt by a dog may continue to hate all dogs in their adult life and see them as evil. Another child that had a pet dog may grow up as a dog advocate and thinks they are angels. Are all dogs evil or angels?
We had this exercise at work where every one was given a word or adjective that they need to guess. These are words such as tamad, masipag, masungit, babaero, etc. After we guessed the word, we were asked how we felt if we got labeled as such. The curious thing is, even the words that seem negative got accepted positively by most. I got reklamador (always complaining). When others tag someone as reklamador, most say it in a derogatory way. When I am being reklamador, I am expresing my opinion and giving my feedback so that others would know and have the chance to improve the situation. It's not bad nor is it good. It's just is.
Once you pigeon hole someone into something, it limits that person from being more. And it also limits you into knowing the person better. We have workmates that look like a snob. Colleagues rarely approach him for assistance. In fact, he said he is just shy and prefer to be quiet. I know for a fact that he she is very good and has a lot to share. He is one of the best resource person at work. Because he was already tagged as a snob, no one approaches him and he lose the chance to help and make friends.
Putting label on things, specially a one word description is very limiting and immediately puts all things/people/situation into the extremes. If my daughter will fail her exams, she is not stupid. She is just better at somethings. I may argue with my husband but I will never hate him. If your think that you day is extremely terrible, you could feel down the whole day and it can paralyze you from turning things around.
#milaOOTD: April 26, 2015
Top: Gingersnaps
Skirt: Carters
Shoes: Mini Melissa (20th month gift from Mom and Dad)
On times when I get stressed out, when things are not being done the way I want it, I think of my high school math. My favorites subjects were algebra and calculus. Every time we were asked to prove a math equation, I try to solve it multiple ways. I may be able to come up with multiple solutions using different math theories but eventually, I'd end up with the same result. Things may not get done your way all the time. You may not get what you want the way you want it. Allow yourself to consider other possibilities because someone may have a better solution than your own.
If we consistently project our feelings, beliefs, and emotions to other people, we set ourselves up to disappointment. We have to open up our minds to allow it to grow and understand. Relax and understand where other people's actions are coming from. Be flexible enough to realize that it's never all or nothing. Try new things and accept all possibilities, knowing that you will be fine regardless of the outcome. There are still other sides to the situation and who knows if it will turn out for the better. Choose to see the good where other times you only saw bad.
Teaching my daughter about the colorful world
I want to teach my daughter the concept of right and wrong. But more importantly, I want to teach her understanding. I want her to be able to read between the lines. Discern the implicit from the explicit. I am striving to train Mila to make interference on the nature of things and situations. So that she can see it from all perspective and get a better understanding on what is and what is not. If she is able to see things from all angles, then there will be more tolerance and trust. Less hate and disappointments.
I want Mila to be brave enough to try things outside of her comfort zone. She may make mistakes but who doesn't? With experience comes understanding. Once she accepts the 'maybe's" and the "what if's", she can embrace all possibilities. Then there will be more room for her mind to grow. No limits. Hopefully then, she can make decisions for herself and be a better, happier person. That's my goal. Because everything is not just as it seems. Because life is never just black and white.
If you still insists on looking at life in black and white, then you are missing on a lot. Even God made the world in all shades of light and dark. The horizon even looks different on night or day. There's color all around you and that's what makes life beautiful. Embrace it. Then again, maybe I'm forcing my truth on you and that's me looking at things black and white.