Lawn Fetishism Revisited – “I See Nothing”

Behind my property is a small tract stranded between houses, apparently unsuitable for siting another. So, unattended, it grows into a mini-jungle. Behind that is a patch of grass invisible from any house. I didn’t even know it was there until one recent morning when I spotted my neighbor mowing it.

Why mow grass no one can see? I’m not sure whether this is crazy or weirdly admirable. I’m reminded of Steve Jobs fussing over the aesthetics of computer insides. “Nobody will even know about it,” his minions objected. “But I will,” Jobs said.

I wrote a few years ago about “Lawn Fetishism.” My neighbor actually seems to enjoy mowing. Now my wife seems to have the bug. I used to hire a mower, but lately she insists on doing it herself. (Maybe she didn’t think I was having it done often enough.)

Now, Therese is a poet, so of course she has her own poetic approach to landscaping.

She explained to me that the front “is for show,” so she mows it in the conventional way. But the back is her playground, with several rectangular patches allowed to grow wild, among the mowed areas. In addition, in between our lawn and the mini-jungle, she has created a –well, I don’t know what to call it. (See picture) Nor, quite what to make of all this. It’s not anything I’d ever have thought of doing. But grass is not one of my preoccupations. And she likes it.

When I was a kid there was a TV comedy, “Hogan’s Heroes,” about Americans in a German POW camp, always into shenanigans. A fat middle-aged Sergeant Schultz was supposed to be guarding them. But Schultz wanted life easy. So when shenanigans were going down, he’d raise his eyes skyward saying, “I see nothing. I see nothing.”

I find this phrase very useful in my marriage.