Image by Smithsonian Institute
via Creative Commons
There are many researchers of the human life span that question the phenomenon of a "Midlife Crisis." However, there are researchers seeking to establish that people tend to experience a dip in happiness in midlife that creates a U shape: measurable happiness in ones 20s, a dip in their 30s to 50s, and a boost in their 60s and 70s.
The Economist published a 2010 article. There is a paywall, but you can view a graphic that illustrates the concept.
Midlife is a time where many adults are overburdened with responsibilities: they are trying to work for promotions; they have children at home who need their time and attention; they are trying to adjust expectations for their marriages, which can lead to divorce or newly negotiated roles within the family system; they are comparing their visions for their life with the realities of their life; they are hitting their limitations, which not only includes financial limitations but limitations to their character and health.
Managing expectations vs. reality is sobering if not terrifying.
For more information about the complexity of measuring happiness acrosss the lifespan, see this 2021 article by Galambos, N.L, et al.There are mixed results from some of the studies this article cites, and there are concerns about methodology. (It's really hard to measure something like happiness, and different cohorts and methodologies lead to a problem of comparing apples to oranges.) Nevertheless, it's a good question to ask: can people experience a boost in happiness in late life?
Some stereotype older adults as grumpy and depressed. However, many older adults find that they have managed their resources and expectations to a point where they are happier--if not more content.
For myself, I have learned to do the following, which help me to be more content if not happier:
1. Lower my expectations. It was great to be idealistic when I was a young adult. However, I find that if I cling really tightly to ideals 24/7, I end up being dissatisfied with the present moment. My husband has a frequent chant: "Having low expectation is the secret to happiness." Now, it's not as though I have zero goals or zero ideals. I have just learned to accept people, situations, and my own limitations--at least more often than I used to. Yes, I am on occasion disappointed in others, in circumstances, and in myself. But more often I can "let it go."
2. Stop striving to please others. I used to work really hard to gain praise from others by being a workaholic. I tended to overcommit in several venues. But then I was anxious, cranky, and exhausted. I have learned to have more personal integrity. Yes, I still try to serve others and work hard, but I do not contort myself in the ways that I did before. I try to accept tasks in areas where I am more naturally gifted and experienced. And after decades of practice, I can be more effective if I play to my strengths.
3. Shrinking my friendship network. I used to strive to connect with dozens of people. I am pretty social and extroverted. I also tend to take leadership positions in the various organizations to which I belong. (See the ENFJ profile on the Myers-Briggs personality test.)
4. Focusing more on the present. I used to spend a lot of time regretting the past and worrying about the future. Now I focus more on the present and try to limit myself to goals that are only six months out. It was a waste of time to over plan, only to have life shift dramatically. Also, it was a waste of time to lament about mistakes I have made in the past or people who rejected or criticized me in the past. I attended a Buddhist sangha for five years, and that worldview is very good about focusing on the present moment and about seeing attachment as leading to suffering.
Do you see a U shaped curve to your happiness over your lifespan? Or is the trajectory more wavelike? Whatever you observe about the past, I hope that your present and your future includes more life satisfaction if not happiness or even go-for-broke joy!
Related
Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Book Review
Books on Aging