I’ve always been open with myself about my weaknesses and areas I could work on, but it has always been for that purpose. I’ve considered growing every day to be a cornerstone of my life, so as long as I believe I can grow past it, acknowledging a weakness isn’t so bad. But this way of thinking is neither fully present nor fully loving. I’m always looking to the future so I can see a better me than me in the present.
As I break down my personal barriers I’m realizing that to be compassionate towards myself I need to accept and love my weaknesses as they are. I can’t accept them because I want to change them. I need to accept them and love them because they are a part of me today.
I notice this when I’m exercising a lot. I feel I need to push myself so I’m no longer this weak, out of shape, or inflexible. Who I am today is unacceptable so I push myself to become something different. Instead, I feel like I should acknowledge my present limitations and appreciate my body for what it is. It seems like I’m learning how to surrender to myself.
I’m amazed that it has taken me so long to notice this subtlety. I’m again impressed by my minds ability to deceive me. Right away I think, “I need to get meditating so I can retrain this mind!” And I realize, I’ve done it again. Just like my body, I need to love and accept my present mind for what it is. What a subtle and powerful shift. Time to meditate.