The Olympics are about to come to a close, and this is our 50th consecutive day of comedic blogging, so we decided to celebrate and create our own event: speed-reading of some of the blogs of readers who have liked our own entries this week! Then we awarded “comedic situation” medals. We enjoyed all of the blogs equally, so the medal choices are entirely self-serving, based on which ones provided the most comedic potential for our unique format of suggesting 3 worse situations than situations in the news, or in this case, the blogosphere.
So, now it’s time to hand out our own medals of the Summer 2012 blogs!
BRONZE MEDAL
The Bronze Medal goes to blogger Kana’s Chronicles of Team USA and her entry “A Lesson On Letting Go.” In it, this writer describes how she successfully used a photo of her tattoo as part of a job application! The job is writing a daily blog about Biker Life! And now for our comedic entry inspired by this blog – here are:
3 Photos Not To Include In An Application For A Job Writing A Blog About Biker Life
1. A Tattoo of a Plymouth Grand Voyageur. That’s not a bike! And it’s also not an “El Camino”, but that didn’t stop the Black Keys from using one on the cover of their album El Camino! Anyway, the whole tattoo-something-that’s-not-really-what-you-say-it-is would probably be a better strategy for a hipster blog than a biker blog!
2. A Tattoo of a Grocery List. This would be especially bad if the grocery list does not include anything motorcycle-related, but does include organic parsley. How much organic parsley does one really need to be reminded of to have to tattoo the reminder on their arm?
3 Words We Do Not Recommend Tattooing On Your Body! Because Tattoos are Permanent And You Never Know How Long McRib Will Be Back!
3. A Tattoo of Someone Else Who Is Applying For A Job Writing A Blog About Biker Life! You’re advertising the competition, and you’re going to be stuck with a tattoo reminding you of that major error for life!
SILVER MEDAL
The Silver Medal goes to American blogger Ashley Jillian and her entry “Comedy.” In it, she tells a tale of a friend who cried so hard while listening to singer Dido, that the friend tore “his or her favorite jeans.” Thanks for the comedic inspiration, Ashley, here’s:
3 Worse Songs To Listen To And Damage Your Jeans Than A Song By Dido
1. Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff. Okay, technically, you were doing what the song told you to do. But it’s still worse because you were listening to Limp Bizkit and it’s 2012. Even Limp Bizkit, who has been rumored to be launching a comeback doesn’t listen to Limp Bizkit in 2012.
If you insist on breaking stuff while listening to Limp Bizkit, might we suggest breaking off a piece of a Kit Kat bar instead of “somebody’s face” as suggested in the song?
2. ZZ Top – Legs. The song lyrics are: “She’s got legs, she knows how to use them.” But if you’re ripping your jeans, just by listening to music, you kinda don’t know how to use ‘em.
3. Eminem – Stan. Remember, this is a song featuring Dido, which is completely different than a song by Dido. And if the lyrics of Dido make you cry and rip your jeans, we don’t even want to imagine what happens when Eminem’s dark tragic tale of Stan is rapped into the mix!
GOLD MEDAL
Our Gold Medal of blogging goes to American blogger Lesley Carter’s entry entitled “2012 Bucket List – Adventure Awaits!” This adventurous blogger has an extensive 30 item bucket list, with links to accomplished items. But for comedic value, we will look at her bucket list item #23: “Go On An Unplanned Road Trip.”
Looks like she’s been foiled, in her bucket-listing, by putting an impossible item to complete on the list! Why? Because the entire bucket list is planning things to do in a year, so she has planned to go on an unplanned road trip! Impossible! Or, is it?
There is a way out. Let somebody else plan the road trip. Perhaps take suggestions from your numerous readers, and then draw the winning trip from the suggestions. Now that would be unplanned! There, we got you out of that logical dilemma!
And if we may suggest an unplanned road trip, we suggest a road trip to African Lion Safari, in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, which we label: the world’s most ridiculous drive-thru. Why? Because it’s a drive-thru zoo, and monkeys may jump on your car, which may not be good for resale value. Anyway, here are:
3 Even More Impossible Things To Complete On A Bucket List!
1. Watch the Chicago Cubs win a World Series. The true proactive smarty-pantses out there crossed this off their bucket lists in 1908. But for those of you who missed it, the odds aren’t looking good, based on history, or the current standings, of seeing this happen in 2012!
You’re much more likely to see the World Series won in Yankee Stadium, unless you’re this guy, who might have his back to the action while they win it.
2. Find the Meaning of Life. We’re not talking about the real meaning of life. We’re talking about the meaning of life promised in the instructions of the Colecovision video game “B.C.’s Grog’s Revenge.” The game promised that if you ever finished it, you would find the meaning of life. However, in this game, if the character Grog even enters the same cave as your character, it’s game over. And Grog can walk into the room at any time, without warning. Which is why we think the makers of the game toyed with our emotions, as they made it virtually impossible to win or find the meaning of life. Is this the kind of Karma that caused Coleco to go out of business?
3. Start A Drive-Thru Car Wash/Aquarium Where Your Car Is Washed By Sharks And Killer Whales. Sure it sounds far-fetched, impossible, and something that people may not want to visit, but arguably so does a drive-thru zoo, and one of those has been around for decades in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada!