As we were sitting in the airport after the Sonish's most recent return to the East Coast, I commented on the torture that is sending him back after each visit. In an effort to reassure me the Hubs reminded me he'd been doing this for over a decade now and while it never gets easier you get used to it. I was shocked by what happened next. I simply couldn't have expected what was coming. I was instantly jealous of him. So jealous that I knew immediately that it was pure, heart breaking, jealousy. I was jealous that he'd had all of these 15+ years with this incredible young man and I've only had 3.
I couldn't believe myself. It's not like me at all. Yes, I've been jealous over an old girlfriend or envious of a friend's beautiful new car but this was different. It wasn't hateful but it was pure & simple jealousy. The kind of jealousy that says, "I want what you have and I want it so bad I can taste it." In fact, it took me a few days to even bring it up to the Hubs and we talk about everything right when it happens. Communication is one of the things we do really well in our relationship but I had to wrap my brain around this new feeling before I could talk about it. He was very understanding (I really did marry the best man EVER) and hugged me, assuring me that I was in their lives at the right time.
He was right. I have to trust that I'm in their lives at the right time and that anything before this wouldn't have been right for any of us. The years leading up to our new family provided many many lessons on life, love, happiness, and even "ish" relationships. We all needed to learn those lessons in order to make what we have today work. We all had to follow our individual paths in order to merge them together.
The strengths, talents, and even weaknesses we developed are what make us the power house team we are today. I have a friend who refers to her family as their "team". I love that! Just like any professional sports team the talent you bring to the team is what you developed while being with someone else. What matters is how the team works together with those talents today. What gets you to the Super Bowl, World Cup, or World Series is the combination of all of those talents. So I'm putting aside the jealousy and focusing on being a team co-captain of this great family, thankful that we have such a great future ahead.