When she turned two, Mila started saying "Never" just like how Captain Hook would say it. She'd normally say it when she is pretending to be mad or when we're asking her to take her afternoon nap or take of her favorite shirt. She looks so cute saying never like a pirate but I just had to be a parent. It's not a habit she should keep. Saying "No" for EVERYTHING TO ANNOY MOMMY, is a phase that most toddlers go through. My Mila just do it the pirate way. It's also a phase that can be quick and less annoying.
How I Stopped My Daughter From Saying No or Never All The Time
Give OptionsI understand that saying no/never is a toddler's way of asserting themselves. It is a developmental sign that shows your child is on her way to becoming an independent person. She is simply using her new found power - making decisions. To avoid the power struggle and encourage her to continue on this path of self-reliance, we found ways on how she can feel like she is the decision maker. We give her options.
Instead of saying: "Let's change you clothes now", I say "Do you want to wear the pink dress or the blue shirt?". She makes the decision and you get what you want.
Set ExpectationsLittle kids likes consistency and hates being interrupted. If you suddenly ask them to stop playing to take a bath, the immediate response will be a big No. Set their expectations.
"Honey, let's take a bath after you watch Jake, ok?" She knows that when the credits roll, it's time to move. No sudden interruption, no fights.
Have Them Do Favors For You
Your kid loves you to the moon and back. They want to please you. If you want them to do things they hate, do not command them. Ask them to do if for you as a favor.
Instead of saying: "Put way your toys now", I say "Can you help mom clean up by putting your toys on the box? It will make me so happy."
Distract Her
Sometimes, No is just an automatic response toddlers will give you.
"Mila, come here"
"No"
"Come here now!"
"Never"
"Please?"
"Never"
"Why?"
"Beecoz akbcasjva ascbajcva baksucvak" (I know she gave her reasons, I just can't understand yet)
"Ok, I understand. But I need you to go here to mommy, ok?"
"Ok po!"
Changing the question, or giving her something else to do or think about, will stop the pattern of no. She'd forget the resistance and may not realize she is already saying Yes.
Choose Your Battles
Mila and I always fight during mealtime. She just won't eat when she does not want to. Whatever food it could be, even if it is an old favorite, she'd refuse it. I've since learned to choose my battles.
If it's meal time and she does not want to eat or seat on the table with us, I just let her. Sometimes, I give her options to eat what we have or she can just have rice and soup. If it's still a No, then I let it go. She may be full or just not ready. She will eat eventually and I noticed she eats a lot more if I let her have her meal on her own time.
If it's something that will put her at risk though, then her No's just would not cut it. If I ask her to hold my hands while crossing the street, I become the boss and no amount of refusal will be accepted. Safety first.
I sat down and explained that Captain Hook does bad things and she needs to copy the good guys only. The word never is ok sometimes but it's not a nice thing to say all the time. When she says Never or No for no valid reason, I ask her if it's nice. She knows it's not and she'll stop.
Also realize that No and Never is not always bad. A child needs to say no appropriately. Someone's giving her softdrinks. "No thanks." Eat the toy food. "No, pretend only." A stranger wants to carry her. "No please." Someone wants to touch her private parts. "Never."
With constant reminder and practice, any toddler can easily outgrow the refusal phase. Mila still says no occasionally but it does not annoy mommy anymore. I know she just have her preferences and she is just starting to be a woman who know how to make decisions for herself. *Sob*