The comments are full of MRA types bashing this guy to Kingdom Come as a male feminist, which is unfortunate. I am not very wild about what passes for male feminists these days – they are basically men defending gender feminism, so they are defending the indefensible. However, I can resonate with this guy.
The only part I did not like was at the beginning when he talked about Miley Cyrus being sexually objectified. I like the fact that women are sexually objectified. I think it is great. Also, if you look around you, you will notice that a very large number of women seem to enjoy sexually objectifying themselves, or making themselves beautiful and sexy for men.
The comments about porn are unfortunately true. Much porn now is misogynistic as all get out, but honestly, it’s always been that way. I started watching porn back in the 1970’s and it was very misogynistic even way back then. I do not know what the solution is, but I have always liked porn and I continued to watch a fair amount of it even into my fifties
Most women I meet tell me that they watch porn sometimes and that they like it. They like it pretty down and dirty too. They put on a couple of nipple clamps, get their clit vibe out, turn on some really dirty gonzo porn and diddle away to orgasm after orgasm.
The only complaint I have heard from women about porn is that they look at the beautiful women in porn and compare themselves unfavorably to those women. They do not think their faces or bodies look good enough compared to the women in porn. However, there is a ton of porn out there now with very ordinary, fat or even homely women in it. Most of it is amateur porn.
This holds true for men too. All the guys in porn now are so buffed. Look at those six packs. Are they all on roids? They are also extremely masculine, covered with tattoos, shaved heads or very short hair – super macho guys.
Well, that’s not me.
And I suppose I do compare myself unfavorably to these porn guys because that’s just not me – I am not a super macho type. Back in the 70’s, the men in porn were quite different. They were more ordinary guys, metrosexual, hippiesih and androgynous in a good sense (Mick Jagger androgynous, not Boy George androgynous). That’s all gone now, and all we have are these muscled meatheads who look like they are going to kill you.
The rest of the talk was ok. I do not usually like these types when they start going on, but this one was different. I actually think he is an MRA in sense in addition to being a feminist.
Back in the 1970’s, there was a movement called Men’s Liberation which could be seen as the leftwing of the Men’s Movement. Warren Farrell and Robert Bly both came out of this movement. There were some problems with it, such as a worrying tendency towards promoting homosexual behavior (arguments were made that Men’s Libbers needed to “confront their hangups about sex with other men” – yuck), but then the feminist movement has always had that problem too, and they were much more guilty of this than the Men’s Libbers.
Although the Men’s Libbers and the feminists saw themselves as allies in the beginning (both were part of the general Liberation movements of the 1960’s which I and many others supported), some fights started pretty early on. By 1975, Men’s Libbers were offering pointed critiques of worrying trends in gender feminism and especially radical feminism. Radical feminism is now so nuts that only the most masochistic man would sign up for it, and even worse, radical feminists have long been at the reigns of the feminist movement itself.
I could see these Jackson Katz fellow as both a male feminist and a Men’s Lib guy even though Men’s Lib hardly exists anymore. Most of these male feminists are not very sensible, and way too many of them are gay men, which seriously taints the whole male feminist project. Katz also a very masculine guy, even though he is critiquing masculinity. And he is not slamming masculinity per se; he is slamming the more idiotic, destructive, unhealthy and disordered aspects of it, which is a great idea.
I have noticed over at A Voice for Men, a site which is still far too misogynistic for my tastes, there have been some recent articles about how the Men’s Movement ought to welcome gay men into the movement. Of course that makes sense, but a lot of MRA’s are going to flip if they hear that. After all, gay men are men too, and men’s issues are their issues. But this move on Elam’s part seems to be a move in a Men’s Lib-type direction away from MRA reaction, which is heartening.
I have a lot more to say about his critique of masculinity but it is quite depressing and I will leave it at this for now.
Basically I would argue that redefining masculinity is a great idea (the Men’s Libbers were the first to do this) but sadly it doesn’t work in the real world because women still do not like transformed men even though they insist they do. They say they want a new man, but what they really want deep down inside is a macho meathead bad boy who ends up mistreating them.
So if you go the New Man route you are going to be forever running into women, even or especially feminist women, frankly challenging your masculinity because you are not the meathead of her dreams.
Not only that, but you will spend much of your life being accused of being a homosexual and having to argue with pinheads who insist that you are gay and you couldn’t possibly be straight. I do not know about you, but having to tell people you’re not gay gets pretty tiresome after a while, mostly because it’s a dumb question in the first place as picking out homosexual men is a trivial exercise. Is that the way you want to spend your life?
Well,this is what lies ion store for you if you try to redefine masculinity and live that way.
At this late date, my basic attitude is to say fuck it and be the macho meathead that everyone apparently wants me to be.
Sad that it’s come down to this.