Not like that y’all.
So I went out and bought the iPad I’d been threatening to buy since back in ye olde iPad1 days.
I bought the newest family member home.
I gently removed it from its packaging.
I caressed it as I swiped my way through applying my settings.
I lovingly whispered “SHITTING BASTARD THING, WHY WON’T YOU SWITCH OFF?!?!” when it was time to start dinner and I couldn’t work out how to turn it off.
As #1Hubby walked in the door he went straight to his bloody ironing board to check that the Twin Tornado (who were in the laundry at the time) weren’t defiling his beloved with their sticky fingers.
I smirked at my new beloved, which I noted blended beautifully with my other great love – the Nespresso coffee machine. Sigh.
My 2 great loves, side by side
#1Hubby came in the kitchen to see what was for dinner. He looked all around me. Everywhere but at the iPad.
So I kept stroking my beloved while in the kitchen, under the pretense of cooking dinner, while sipping wine.
Still, not a clue how to turn the bloody thing off.
#1Hubby came and went over the next hour, never once noticing.
As we sat down to dinner, he said:
“I’ll just go turn off that $500 credit card purchase for you, shall I?”
MOFO bastard….I should never ever have clued him in to the wonders of Internet banking.
Also, this is as far as I was able to get to my beloved once The Feral Threesome found it:
Aerial shot, taken from behind the crowds, standing atop their kiddy table in the kitchen