The pressure I placed on myself to be the perfect mother wasn’t because of the outside world. It wasn’t because I wanted all the moms at the new playdate group to think I had it all together. In fact, I made it known that I did not. It wasn’t because I even wanted my own family to think I was parenting well.
I wanted my children to think I was parenting well. I wanted my children to never see Mommy shed a tear. Never see me upset, or out of control of any situation. This put immense pressure on my emotions to cooperate. Serious pressure on my body to never fail me, and never once should the phrase come off my lips to any one of my children, for fear of scaring them for life.
” Can you pray for Mommy today?”
Once we call something out as a lie , it is forever a lie. Often we must remind ourselves we named such a thing a lie yesterday, and nothing has changed. Today and tomorrow it is still a lie.
It is a lie from hell that my children never need to see their mother weak. That I would be doing them a disservice as their mother if I admitted I was having a hard day, and I needed them to pray for me. It was a pride I carried, that turned into the very thing holding me down. The one thing I held SO high above the waves crashing down.
This one thing must not get wet. It is of value, and I will protect it. Even if this means I drown my body in the process, my one hand holding my pride up high will not be soaked by the waves.
We place value on things, even when they are hurting us.
This is what was happening to me. I was drowning, willingly to keep a vow I made to myself years ago.
The morning started out chaotic as every morning does around here. The puppy wet the floor , the carpet and the sofa pillow all before 9 am. One nameless child brought their cereal bowl into the living room, and somehow managed to spill the milk underneath the sofa. Pulling a large sectional apart to clean said milk was a real joy. Soon my house smelled of cleaning supplies, and I had yet to have a drop of coffee hit my bloodstream.
Personal circumstances overwhelmed me, and I ended up back in bed to rest. My husband joined me, and it wasn’t long before I began to cry. Tears of frustration and pain. Things he could not fix for me, but desperately wanted to. In the middle of my ranting I looked up to see our daughter Rhema , standing there beside our bed watching me intently. I stopped mid sentence and wiped my tears. I put a big , fake smile upon my face. But she knew.
” Mommy why are you crying?”
” Mommy just had a bad dream, so I was sad. I’m telling Daddy about it.”
There I covered it up. She should go on playing now.
Within seconds all three children rallied around me, all laying their precious hands on my shoulders. Our oldest, Asher took charge. He began praying aloud that Mommy would have a good day today. That she wouldn’t have any more bad dreams.
” Thank you Jesus for your holy spirit, help her not be sad. Amen.”
Then came our daughter:
” Holy spirit help Mom not cry or be scared. Thank you for healing her.”
But I had just told her I was upset about a bad dream?
It was then I knew that allowing my children to see me weak from time to time is good for them.
Why?
Because ministry for children starts at home. We as parents are to equip them NOW to pray for healing. To pray for signs and wonders. This is their training grounds. We must not throw them out into the real world unprepared, with no apathy for others. We have to teach them when they are still so young how to care for others. If they cannot care for their own family members, how can we expect them to care for strangers?
it is also a completely safe environment to make mistakes in ministry. We are here for them to practice on, give them feedback and allow them to use their gifts freely. No restrictions or time limits as to when they should stop worshiping, or praying for one another. Just a free space to be who God created them to be, and what he created them to do.
Each of our children is called to a specific calling in this life. What if we as parents asked the Lord how to pray for our children? I mean specifically asked him how we can help them achieve their best spiritually in our homes. Their future is a direct link to our parenting, if it is done with the Holy Spirit guiding us as parents.
It is no mistake our children were given to us specifically.
We were meant to parent, and parent effectively. To equip them for the time that they fly out of our nest. I pray mine learn to fly from our training.
Then soar with Him.