Bah Humbug!
Is it wrong that I have zero desire to buy gifts for anyone this year? Anyone else feel this way? I mean I could do it all online and it would be easy peasy and all that but I don’t even want to do that. It’s not that I don’t love my friends and family but I am not in the “spirit” of the season at all.
First, since we have the grand puppy living with us and he is eating everything including the siding on the house, I know I won’t be able to decorate this year. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind not decorating. No dragging boxes from the shed and vacuuming up fake tree needles everyday or finding that one f’ing light that is keeping ALL the lights on the tree from working. Or the fact that I decorate and no one ever comes over to see my Christmas wonderland. But it’s not helping my non-Christmas attitude.
Oh Christmas cards! I totally just now thought about them. I love to send those out but I haven’t gotten and good pics of my kids to be able to create them to send out. Maybe I’ll do New Years Cards or just wait till next year. But then, will people not send me any? I always feel like people only send cards to me if they get one from me. Like I’m not on their priority list anyway. Ugh.
I am pretty sure my family will be grateful they don’t have to help decorate the house/tree. Usually the boys screw around, break some ornaments and complain they need to be somewhere else. I hope their future kids do the same thing to them.
So gifts. Should I just give everyone 5 bucks and call it a day? I know, I know. It’s not about the gifts. It’s about the Baby Jesus and the Parades. Family gathering together and smiling and laughing together and taking fun family photos. Ugh. The thought of all that is nauseating. My parents will tell me to be nice to the relatives and not to be a smart ass. I’m 52 years old and my parents are still telling me how to behave. Someone will constantly ask me how many drinks I’ve had and maybe I should “tone it down” a bit. I promise you this, one day I am going to write one hella book on my family. I’ve been in talks with lawyers on how to not get sued over a tell-all book.
So back to gifts. My kids would be fine with money. My husband gets his usual “once a year” gift and that makes him happy. My parents always say, “don’t get us anything. We have all we need. :)” You know they don’t mean it. My grandmother is turning 98. What the hell do you give a 98-year-old woman for Christmas? Lotion and breath mints?
My work staff think I am made of money so they will actually give me that look of “oh this is nice” if I give them something they think isn’t expensive. So ungrateful. My favorite store clerk at the liquor store says to give everyone little bottles of Fireball and everyone will be happy. He might be on to something.
So there you have it. I might not give out gifts, cards or money. I might just make everyone feel bad that they aren’t celebrating the holiday for the right reasons. I may make a suggestion that the entire family needs therapy to learn to appreciate me and all I do for the family.
What do I want for Christmas? Just some peace and quiet. And for people all over the country to be nice. Just be freaking nice to each other. Stop being assholes and thinking they are better than everyone else and just be nice. Is that too much to ask for?
Cheer’s Y’all!