A recent series of Boston Globe articles reported that despite telling the public that he “left Bain Capital in 1999″ and “relinquished all management authority” that Mitt Romney was the CEO of Bain Capital, according to SEC filings in 2002. CNN has reported that it confirmed that:
“an SEC filing from 2001 also listed Romney as the ‘sole shareholder, sole director, chief executive officer and president of Bain Capital.’”
We at NTWN are a bit confused because Mitt Romney is running for President of the United States, yet at the same time saying he relinquished all management authority of Bain Capital, while filings indicate he was its President!
It seems Mitt Romney wants to bring his “business experience” to the presidency, and business experience can apparently include “presidents doing nothing,” a statement shareholders of marker-share-losing Nokia and RIM may agree with. Still critics on either side of the aisle might name a few presidents who they say did nothing, so this may not be as bad as it seems for Romney, even if some are questioning the legality of his filing. Still, don’t worry Mr. Romney, like all things in life this situation could have been even worse! Here are:
3 Worse Things Mitt Romney Could Have Told The SEC in 2001 or 2002
1. “I am the ‘soul shareholder’ of everyone at Bain Capital. Yes, they all sold their souls to me. I am holding these souls as a passive investment and plan on auctioning them off on eBay in 10 years, which will certainly be allowed!” Note to our readers: as we earlier wrote about here, a woman who tried to sell her soul this year for $2,000 was not permitted to do so on eBay, but days later, this dude in a kayak had success selling his soul for a cool $7! Way to beat the system, and also prove that capitalist markets do work!
2. “I am the sole director of Bain Capital. For greater clarity, as sole director, my only responsibility is to direct people what kind of shoe soles are acceptable attire at Bain Capital. For ladies, that means this year’s most expensive shoe: diamond-encrusted Stuart Weitzman sandals at Harrod’s, which you may purchase for £650,000!”
Photo of our suggestion for Mitt Romney’s 2012 SEC filing. Note the finely crafted golden bull and bear, and fewer words.
3. “I am the president of the city of Bain, which is the Capital of the Ben District of Iran! I’m hearing President Bush will have good things to say about that country in tonight’s State Of The Union Address! I’m going to get some popcorn and watch it while I prepare this SEC filing… Oh, horse feathers! Turns out he didn’t have good things to say about it in his speech, and I spilt my popcorn! But don’t worry, upon being elected to this presidency, I immediately relinquished all management authority of the Capital city of Bain! Oh, and I should really stop letting Ashton Kutcher help me prepare my SEC forms – that rascal keeps telling me I was punk’d, whatever that means.”