Usually when I run out and have to go get some more.
There aren’t many snack foods I won’t eat, but there is one you’ll never catch me scarfing down – Oreos. Not a big fan of them. Don’t want to dunk them into my milk. Don’t care to twist their necks, pull their cookie heads off and just eat their insides. Nope, Oreos are safe around me.
That said, you can imagine my surprise the other night when my wife and I were eating cookies. I was on my fifth one when a thought occurred to me.
“Um, what am I eating, by the way?”
“Oreos.”
“No freaking way, I don’t like Oreos.”
“Good thing then – I’m scared to imagine what you’d be doing if you did.”
“These aren’t Oreos. Oreos are black and white. These are yellow and uh, more yellow-er.”
“Special, limited edition Oreos. Lemon Twists.”
I felt tricked. Bamboozled even. I was going to yell “No fair!,” but I was raised right and don’t talk with my mouth full. It’s not every day that one has a snack food revelation of such diabolical proportions. How could this be?
I needed answers. So I did what any naturally-curious all-American snack-food-eating person does in such a situation. I went to my laptop and Googled: “Oreos.” And found that not only are Oreos everywhere, they’re … everything.
Warning: The following images are graphic. They just may unhinge you to the core. As well give you a sugar high like you’ve never felt before.
That was it. There were many more, but I could look no more. I stumbled from the computer room and into the living room, clutching my stomach, nearly drenched in sweat.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Oreos, they’re everywhere. No snack food is safe. They’re taking all of them over.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oreos … Oreos are taking the place of all of the snack food, I tell you. Did you ever see that movie, ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’?”
“No, why? Did it have Oreos in it?”