While working as a chef at Pennyhill Park during the 2015 World Cup, Northampton backrower Sam Graham would sneak out during his breaks to see if he could catch a glimpse of England training.
"There is a large car park right next to the main training pitch and I tried to park as close to the gate as possible so I could see the corner of the pitch," Graham told Telegraph Sport. "Within five minutes a security guard came by and asked what I was doing. They thought I was a spy."
At the time, Graham was a full-time chef, and the dream he once harbored of becoming a professional player seemed as distant as the England stars he peered through the gate at. On Friday night, the man who has caused a storm in Northampton's back row this season will take on some of the players he helped prepare food for, including Owen Farrell and the Vunipola brothers.
For much of his career, Graham has struggled with the idea that he might be a fraud. He was not selected for representative teams until the age of 18, went into the hospitality industry after a short trial at Bath's academy and barely played for his first professional club. "It's almost a hallmark of my career that I think I'm an impostor here. I am only here because I won a competition," said the 26-year-old.
Inspired by his stepbrother Chris Goodman, the former Bath backrower he calls his idol, Graham rose through the ranks at Chippenham Rugby Football Club. Despite facing "endless trials", he never seemed to attract much attention until he was invited to train at Bath's academy. After two weeks he was not asked to return. "At that point I thought this was probably the end for me," Graham says. "Time to focus on a career and because my other passion was food, I went to catering school."
He started as a pot washer at Bath House Browns before joining the Exclusive hotel group, which owns Pennyhill Park, as an apprentice. Graham rose to chef de partie and headed a department at the Michelin-starred Manor House in Oxford. It was a proud achievement, but doubts nagged at him.
"Although I loved it and worked really hard to get there, there were so many times I stood over my desk thinking that this is not the life I want to live," says Graham. "It's great to be a chef. It was a passion of mine. I still love cooking. But it's not a social lifestyle. Who you work with becomes your family. You get up in the dark and come home in the dark. You work 90 hour weeks. That's just the way it is.
"I just thought that was a long 50-60 years and if I don't do anything else now, with no strings attached, I might feel trapped. I wanted to avoid that. I can always come back to it if I miss it, but I'm going to give myself one last roll.
That pitch involved using Goodman's contacts to get to New Zealand in 2017, where he played for Massey while working as a laborer on a construction site. "Health and safety isn't really a thing there," Graham said. "On my first day on the job site, I was given a nail gun and told to build a wall." However, he lived "the dream" and played alongside future All Black winger Mark Telea.
He fully intended to return to New Zealand until Goodman pulled a new string to get him a walk-on role for the Bristol Bears A side. A contract followed, but during two and a half years at Bristol, Graham made only ten appearances. By his own admission, he was not yet ready to make the step up but had become disillusioned before leaving a division to join Doncaster in 2021. "That was my motivation," says Graham. "That gave me the opportunity to enjoy rugby again. No matter who you are, if you don't play every week, it's going to be pretty miserable. I came to Donny and immediately felt appreciated."
In his second campaign he captained the club and guided Doncaster to within three points of possible promotion behind Ealing. While he would eventually get a second chance to try his hand at Premiership rugby by signing for Northampton in 2022, it leaves a sour taste in Graham's mouth that the top tier has effectively been shielded.
"What's the point of a second level in England where you can't get promoted?" he says. "That's why the championship is dying, because who is going to invest in it? The RFU is not funding it properly and if there is no reward at the end you are pumping money into a bottomless pit. It could be and what it should be is an opportunity for an underdog team like Exeter to emerge and become champions. You don't know what could happen."
In his first pre-season at Northampton, former England captain Dylan Hartley stopped by training to say hello to some friends and recognized Graham from his days at Pennyhill. "He came into the kitchen and asked if he could borrow a knife for something social," Graham said. "I'm surprised he remembered that."
The doubts that have followed Graham throughout his career have slowly faded thanks to his performances for Northampton, where his relentless defensive work-rate has seen him consistently start in the club's biggest games. "The back row here is completely full, so when I stand near them I feel quite proud," says Graham. "I think everyone has those doubts. I think I've probably realized that the longer I've been here, but I'm very proud of the journey I've been on. As a chef you realize how lucky and privileged you are to be in this position.
"The nice thing is that you have endured some of that pressure [as a chef] where you are on a team and have to work together to achieve a result. That helps in big moments. You think, 'Relax, I've been here before.' At the same time, they are different forms of pressure. There aren't 17,000 people staring at you while you're chopping carrots."