I’m on a new diet.
It’s called “There’s leftover food in the break room!”
All the kids are doing it.
Left wallet-battered and now the proud owner of plumbing
that works and shiny fixtures extolling my dedication to beauty and
cleanliness, I’ve turned a cynical eye toward my expenses.
In other words, I am broke until payday.
And this is how I came to eat a sandwich I wouldn’t
necessarily have chosen had I paid for it, a bag of gratis chips, and
two freakishly large cookies on Tuesday.
How could the execs not have wanted these cookies?Huddled at my desk, cheeks bulging, eyes
furtively glancing right, left, right, left, I give myself a pat on the back.
Saved a couple bucks there.
Fast-forward to Tuesday night, when I discover both tuna and Tuna Helper in my pantry.Heaven help us, who bought this, and why do
they hate me?What could I have possibly
done...
But that’s the price you pay when you want a flushing toilet
and dripless spigots.
It’s at this point I’d like to say that I have been
pleasantly surprised, that Tuna Helper is rather tasty.
But that would be lying.It’s dreadful.
Luckily, there are only two more big bowls of it to eat
before I can move on to fried potatoes.
Don’t get me wrong.I’m not complaining, not really.After all, I paid cash for them thar plumbin’s.
And with Tuna Helper as leftovers, I won’t be tempted to
raid the fridge later this evening.
See?
Diet.