If you aren’t enough without it… you’ll never be enough with it, and you might not get it at all.
When I first started my business, I was desperate…
- I was desperate to have a thriving business, it really couldn’t come fast enough
- I was desperate to earn a good living (and to stop waiting tables on the side)
- I was desperate to show the people in my life that “my little side project” was an actual business, and that my work was important
- I was desperate for recognition
- I was desperate for the fulfillment and freedom that entrepreneurship promised
So, I read every business book, listened to every marketing podcast, and scanned a million blogs to figure out exactly how to start and grow my business fast. I threw everything at it. I edited and redesigned my website more times than I can count. I obsessed over business cards, the right suit, and what exactly to say at networking events to make a good first impression.
Getting my business off the ground consumed all my energy. I was desperate.
And the worst part about desperation is that people can smell it on you…
You carry it with you like Pig-Pen’s dirt cloud.
The people around you can sense it, and they will shy away. Sort of like that creepy guy at the bar… sure, he might be really cool deep down, but the desperate stank is just too much. See ya later, buddy.
When you feel desperate surrounding something you want, you start to repel it.
You start saying things that don’t sound like “you”. You start doing things that don’t line up with who you are. You start to feel a little less grounded and sure of yourself.
And when it comes to starting or growing a business, desperation will also cloud your strategies. Your plans will start to smell a little desperate, and each decision you try to make will become more difficult than the last. You’ll find yourself either paralyzed, or making a bunch of decisions that you later regret.
There’s truly nothing worse than feeling desperate.
And when you’re working on a project you love, or sharing your most sacred work with the world, that’s when it’s the easiest to fall into that desperate place.
Because nobody feels the desperate need to succeed at a job they hate… you don’t run across many desperately ambitious fast food employees.
The times we feel desperate are times when we know we’re close to something great…
- We can feel that “best-selling author” title within our reach.
- We can taste the sweet satisfaction of selling out our collection of paintings.
- We can imagine the freedom of working every day from our laptop, doing work we actually care about, helping customers across the world.
Desperation doesn’t come from leading a mediocre life. It comes from being on the cusp of achieving something spectacular.
It is in these moments that we should pat ourselves on the back for dreaming big, taking risks, and making things happen. We should remember how far we’ve come and congratulate ourselves on our accomplishments.
In these moments of desperation, I also remind myself that my self worth stands alone.
My self worth is independent of all circumstance.
When I feel that sense of desperation around my career, I remind myself that I’m enough without it.
- If everything in my business fell apart, I would certainly be upset, but I’d be okay. Because I’m enough without it.
- If this upcoming client meeting goes south, and I don’t land that contract, my self worth will remain intact. I’m enough without it.
- If my book is a big flop, I’ll pick myself back up, because I’m enough without it.
- If Oprah never calls, I’ll be alright. I’m enough without it.
The strangest part is, when you finally detach yourself from your goals, they become much easier to achieve. Once you realize you don’t need all those things, they practically fall into your lap.
It’s as if the Universe finally replies saying, “OK, I’ll give you that book deal, because now I know you won’t tie yourself to it”
“OK, here’s that million dollar payday, because now I know that you won’t let it define you”
“OK, here’s that wonderful husband and perfect family you’ve always dreamed of, because you’ve discovered that you’re complete and whole without it”
Simply put, if you’re not enough now, you won’t be enough when all the good things arrive.
A funny thing to remember is… you will never achieve all of your goals. You will never have everything you want. More will always be popping up. When you achieve one thing, the next one will already be sitting on the horizon. And, that’s how it should be. Life is just that rich and ever expanding. There will always be more.
The day will never come when you sit back and think, “There. I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do, all my goals have been accomplished, I have everything I want, now I can enjoy myself”.
In the book Daring Greatly, Brené Brown repeats the mantra “I value courage, and today I’ve been courageous”.
Don’t measure your life in dollar bills, Facebook followers, media appearances, the number on the scale, or marital status. Measure your life in courage. If you’ve been courageous, than job well done.
That way, when the love, success, money, health, and recognition reach you, you’ll actually be able to enjoy it and celebrate, rather than just looking to the next thing.
Because all of those incredible things are coming. Everything you want is on its way. And when it reaches you, I don’t want you to ignore it because you’re too busy desperately looking for more.
We are enough today. We are perfect in this moment. We have everything we need. We are whole and complete. And despite any circumstances that arise, our self worth stands on its own.