I'm On Fire

You know that guy who starts his morning routine with a red Solo cup full of Diet Mt. Dew. Yeah, you know him. The same guy who chases that with a 5-Hour Energy shot while he puts his breakfast on to cool. The same guy who then gets another red Solo cup of Diet Dew.
The same guy who then cranks up "If I Ruled the World" by NAS, "The R" by Eric B. and Rakim, and "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie  - all while dancing around the bedroom and bathroom like a toddler who consumed a 5 pound bag of granulated sugar mixed with a teaspoon of crystal meth.
The same guy who has to turn down Pandora radio to figure out the smoke alarm is going off.
The same guy who then remembers his eggs boiling on the stove - only they are no longer boiling because all the water is gone from the pot, and the eggs are cracked and scorched.

Yeah, I am that guy.