My friends know how hard these last 2 and a half week have been for me. I don’t want to go into details publicly just yet as we have a long road ahead of us I know.
It’s difficult when things “like this” as it leaves us questioning ourselves, despite none of this being my fault.
Could I have prevented this from happening? Is the question I can’t get out of my head?
This last week or two really has been heartbreaking and devastating for us all and so god damn frustrating.
I have cried and then I have cried some more.
I know crying won’t help but having to listen and watch, is soul destroying and knowing I can’t do a thing to help them is what’s hurting me most.
I am there and I know that’s all I can do
But I can’t answer their questions to why did this happen to them.
I can’t make excuses to them any longer.
They are of the age of knowing that what has happened to them is wrong, very wrong.
They are angry and confused to why nothing has happened yet.
I sit and wait for a phone call, almost 3 weeks now and no phone call.
Why?
This is so very wrong.
My friends have watched me take 100 steps back on my own recovery due to this.
I have so many to thank and they know who they are.
My husband, best friend and soul mate who daily, hourly makes sure I am OK. I know hes as angry and frustrated as I am right now but he’s making sure I hold it all together.
He’s even attending my weekly mental health appointments with me so he knows how best to help me.
The flowers he walked in with today could have made me cy – “Because you looked so sad this morning” he said as he gave me them.
What would I do without you all?
Just a simple phone call that Fiona made to check I was OK.
Angie my rock and right hand man for just making me smile when I need it
Sarah and Steph for making sure I eat and demanding I take time away from the group when needed.
Annette who has become my anxiety guardian angel. She is there if I need to go someone and can’t go alone. She gives up her free time so easily for me and has become a real life friend. I don’t have many of those so she’s truly an angel.
The many mums who have inboxed me to check up on me, thank you. I know I tell you I’m OK and I know you know I am not. Thank you, I love you all dearly.
To the Twitter friends who have supported me.
I know there is not much anyone can do right now, but by being there is helping me stand tall and keep smiling.