Hyperbole and a Half – Allie Brosh

“Unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened.”

There is nothing like receiving an email going: “Your parcel is now with your local Hermes courier for delivery”  to make those remaining shriveled particles of life slither and slop right out of your body.

Today I received that email and with it, hope ceased. I have spent the day either perched at the window like an excited puppy, optimism and expectation dribbling out the corners of my mouth or lying corpse like on my floor, silent tears puddling my ears as I stare down eternity.

(I’ll get to the book review bit in a minute)

It’s true, right now the only reason I have to leave the house would be to hug one of our neighbours ducks when they go for their afternoon waddle. My current occupation could very well be listed as “Staying In For Stuffer”.

But that’s not the point.

The thing with Hermes is that they are so poor at delivering stuff that you spend so much time sitting in your house waiting for them, that your supplies begin to run out. For fear of leaving the house at the exact moment they decide to actually bring you your precious things, you are forced to order everything you need online, and thus creating some horrific Hermes torture circle where you are forever waiting for them to deliver stuff.

This is a cycle I hope not to get into, and I hope the good couriers of Aberdeen will be rapping at my door very soon, with a smile and an electronic box to squiggle on*. But if I do become a hostage to Hermes I guess I will be getting through a lot of books and will have a lot to blog about.

So, the first post in my possible new series, Hannah Waits for Hermes, is Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh.

This is the book of the blog of the same name and contains devastatingly funny stories of Brosh’s childhood, the “slightly retarded” dogs she heroically tries to rehabilitate (Simple Dog and Helper Dog), her struggles with procrastination and adulthood and the just plain devastating story of her depression.

To some die-hard Hyperbole… fans the popularity of this publication could be seen as the blog version of people bandwagoning that alt-folk-rock group you have loved for like, EVER, before they had designer tramp clothes and success.

Hyperbole…has been a blog for a good few years now and I can remember flipping between it and Cake Wrecks in an orgy of web-based female humor (swaying between sisterly admiration and soul-destroying jealousy). So yeah, I was one of those fan-girls logging on like AGES ago dude (and like, legit, every post could be about me, like, totally).

But, in some part due to Brosh’s sporadic posting, it was a blog that slipped out of my consciousness and I hadn’t thought about it until her book appeared on Coming Soon lists last year. So, in a kind of way, I actually love Hermes. Because of their customary late/non-existant delivery practices, I have had a lot of time today to reaquaint myself with this triumphant corner of the internet.

The book includes some familiar essays as well as new material and is an ab-so-lute treat. It’s another title I have devoured in a couple of hours.

Brosh is stupendously, pee-your-pants, funny and some of her stories are also blissfully charming. The passages about depression were beyond exceptional and should be recommended reading for anyone who has loved ones with the illness. And when I say “recommended” I mean like, prescribed, by actual doctors.

For those not familiar with Brosh’s style, the Paintbrush composed illustrations may be a bit off-putting, but don’t be put off! They are purposefully crude. Brosh writes a lot about her hyperactive childhood and her dogs with behavioural issues and these scratchy, kinetic images bring manic life to her writing.

But the “badness” of her art is deceptive, she pours so much expression into her work that I was taken aback on nearly every page by the absolutely perfect looks on the faces of her characters – faces that on the surface seem rendered with no more skill than it takes to draw a stick man.

This talent, as usual, comes with time and patience (tsk) and well, talent (tsssssk), and her pursuit for perfection is how Brosh explains the long periods without posting new blogs. Frustrating, but totally admirable and clearly worth it.

I could spend all day copying and pasting quotes from this, but you may as well just go over and read the blog RIGHT NOW it is BLISS BLISS BLISS! (or, of course buy the book and keep her and bookshops in business).

Here, are some of my fave quotes though, if my review wasn’t enough to get you interested:

“Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don’t want to do. And if I lose, I’m one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I’m going to win or lose until the last second.”

“I’ve always wanted not to give a fuck. While crying helplessly into my pillow for no good reason, I would often fantasize that maybe someday I could be one of those stoic badasses whose emotions are mostly comprised of rock music and not being afraid of things.”

“For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it.”

“However, I could no longer rely on genuine emotion to generate facial expressions, and when you have to spend every social interaction consciously manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.”

“On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children.”

*Brosh-esque update: Hermes delivery came, driver lovely and polite, I take it all back. Maybe he was waiting to pick his kids up from school or something…

Book info:

• ISBN: 9781451666175 (ebook proof)
• Simon and Schuster, 2013
• Sent proof copy through Netgalley

All images used are taken from Hyperbole and a Half which you must now visit.