We may not have all been there, but there is a way you can learn how to pick between two guys. And it is this… are you ready?
First of all, congratulations! You have found two decent guys that you like, that is two times more than many people find, so good for you. But do you know how to pick between two guys?
Now that we’ve celebrated, you do not want to mess up this choice. Yup, the pressure is on. This is not like picking out a dress. You cannot return one and go back to the other.
Why can’t you pick between two guys?
Before we get into the how, let’s get into the why. Why are you in this pickle in the first place? Did you cheat? Are you afraid of ditching a decent boyfriend for someone that you are unsure about?
Think about your particular situation. How you got here says a lot about you. Have you been dating someone for a while but recently met someone you feel something else for? Or are you starting to develop feelings for a friend even though you have a boyfriend?
Think about what led you to have feelings for both of these guys. How did those feelings arise and how did you realize you had them?
How NOT to pick between two guys
There are quite a few things you can do to make this decision easier for yourself or just to help make the decision, but there are also a fair amount of things you should not do when picking between two guys.
Make sure you avoid these things. They may be tempting, but they will not help you make a choice, at least not the right one.
#1 Do NOT just pick the guy you met first.
This is something a lot of people in your situation may do. It seems only fair but is just an easy way out of making a bigger decision.
Just because you were dating someone first, met them first, or chose them early doesn’t mean that is your choice now. Things change. It sucks to hurt one of these guys, but it sucks more to lead them both on.
#2 Do NOT pick who anyone tells you to pick
Your parents may like one guy more than another. Your friends may also prefer one guy to the other. As much as their insight can guide you and clue you into things you may not have seen on your own, this decision is yours and yours alone.
It is your life.
#3 Do NOT make a pro and con list.
Many people will tell you that is the way to go. If you make a pro and con list, you can see a quantitative list of both guys and what you like or don’t like. But, remember how that worked out for Ross on Friends ?
You cannot file down a guy only to the qualities you can put down on paper. That is not how people or relationships work.
#4 Do NOT binge The Bachelorette .
When we need help making choices, we go to people for advice and it is great to go to people who have been in this situation before. But, this is not that common of a situation, unless of course, you are The Bachelorette .
You might think watching the show will give you some insight into figuring out how to pick between two guys, but it is all about you now. No matter how many long drawn out monologues we get watching that show, we never know how she is truly feeling. The reason the ending is so shocking is because only she knows how she feels, just like you.
#5 Do NOT judge their looks.
So one guy is taller and one is shorter? Maybe one has a thick head of hair and perfect teeth while the other is balding and could use some floss. Does this really matter? No.
Looks can be deceiving and are not equivalent to the person. The most handsome guy in the world could be the devil. So try to look beyond their looks and choose between these two guys based on who they are, not what they look like.
How to pick between two guys
Now that you know what to avoid when learning how to pick between two guys, here are the steps you should take before picking between two guys. Then, hopefully, you can make up your mind confidently.
#1 Consider how they make you feel.
This may be the most important part of your decision. Try not to focus on what they say or even do. Think about how they make you feel. When you are with each one, how do you feel?
Are you nervous or do you feel safe? Are you accepted and respected? Do you feel comfortable around them?
#2 Think about your future.
This is a big part of your choice too. If you are picking a guy to form a serious relationship with, you do not want to pick one that has conflicting plans. If you want to settle down and have kids and they want to travel the world for the next five years, how will that work?
Think about if your future plans align.
#3 Do you have chemistry?
Chemistry can be finicky. It can be anything from passion to a deep connection. It can be intense physically or emotionally. But, what matters more to you. Do you have chemistry in every area with one of them?
#4 Talk to your friends and family.
Even though you are ultimately making this choice alone, you can benefit a lot from the insight of the people closest to you. Your friends may not know how you feel inside, but they know if you complain about one guy and rave about the other.
Your family and friends know how you are when you come back from seeing one of these guys. They know who makes you light up when they text you or smile when you talk about them.
#5 Who talks to you?
I once dated a guy who I thought the world of, but looking back we never talked. I was so goo-goo over him I looked past the fact that we had nothing in common and never had a deep conversation. The chemistry overtook me.
But, chemistry does not make a relationship. So, by thinking about who you can actually communicate with, you may find your answer. Relationships only work when you are open and honest with each other and if one of these guys isn’t he probably won’t change.
#6 Clear your mind.
This is something I tell my friends, family, and strangers like you whenever you have a big decision to make. Whether it is about dumping someone, taking a new job, or choosing between two guys, this is the best advice I can offer.
Clear your mind. Don’t think about either guy. Don’t think about the future or the past. Don’t think about your family or stress or which guy makes life easier. Don’t think about the fallout or the potential breakup or who can handle it.
Clear your mind and whoever you think of is the one. It’s that simple. I know it seems cheesy and it isn’t that simple, but if all else fails, this is what can reassure you. Your subconscious has already made up its mind, you just didn’t know it yet.
Should you pick between two guys?
Sometimes there is a reason you are struggling how to pick between two guys. If the decision is that hard, maybe neither one is right for you.
I know it sucks and feels like you don’t appreciate what you have if you choose neither, but again, it is your life. You can’t just pick one because he is better or less bad than the other. No matter how similar or different they are, if your heart is not leaning one way or the other, its because you aren’t ready. Sometimes you just need to pick you.
Even with all the thinking and considering, when you found the right guy it won’t be so hard to choose.
I hope you now know how to pick between two guys, and make the right decision for you and your life. Now, try not to let this happen again.