How to Lead With Confidence in a Company That Stabs People in the Back

Years ago, I worked for a computer maintenance company, leading a team of college students who received and cleaned the computers. Often, the problem with a computer was simply that it was too dirty. Disassemble it, run its circuit boards through a sonic dishwasher, and it was as good as new. These were the days when circuit boards were the size of dinner plates.

The leads reported to department managers who all reported to the site manager.

The site manager was a quiet guy with a glass office in the center of our shop. He could see every technician and engineer, and they could see his shadowy silhouette typing away tirelessly on his computer.

Like any dysfunctional company, people treated the man in the glass box as if he were the emperor. They kissed up to him. They took credit for each other’s work. Sometimes they sabotaged each other’s work in little ways disguised as practical jokes. One team would find its new soldering irons exchanged for old ones. Another team would mysteriously lose all of its static ground bracelets. In leadership meetings, it was a constant political battle to look better than the others in hopes that the emperor would turn his eyes on you.

Looking back on those years, I wish I had understood the difference between allies and confidants.

When people are stabbing each other in the back, the organization is in a state of warfare. Warfare is dangerous and stressful. It is not a time for sharing warm fuzzies with your neighbor about God’s purpose in your life. You just keep your head down and grind it out. Less talk, more action.

I’m still not an expert, but I’m learning to distinguish between confidants and allies.

A confidant shares your foxhole. An ally shares your end goal.

A confidant will take a bullet for his buddies, and his buddies will take a bullet for him.

An ally understands acceptable losses, so long as he isn’t one of the losses.

We engage an ally differently than we engage a confidant. And God help us if we get the two confused.

Most allies won’t actively stab you in the back. Machiavellian villains are more common in movies and story books than in the business world. But allies will not lift a finger to protect you from another’s knife.

Know this. Woo your allies with honest encouragement. Lift up their successes in meetings. Help them feel like one of the heroes because they are one of the heroes.

But don’t expect them to fight for you.

Photo by Louise Docker.